Reuploading: Chapter 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.

Yeah. I'm going to upload this one again next. This quickly. Because I can...And because it's ready.

Chapter Three: Improv

It had been a couple weeks since Blue started at Baylor School for the Arts. She'd settled in to her room, though her roommate's rat still kept her up at night, as well as the roommate himself. Alec stayed up about every other night doing something that glowed and talking on a phone in British, which Blue just couldn't understand when she was tired. One time she swore she heard Gerda, but she wrote it off as her being super sleepy. Though she would swear Gerda was speaking completely proper English. Except, by that she meant British, so Tired Blue just could not make out the words. Really, what did “diddle” mean? Sounded like doodle, which Blue certainly knew much about. She spent most of her classes doodling. Mostly Uni the unicorn, but sometimes she would draw the other people/things from her imagination or be inspired by something she saw. A couple times during a class she sat next to Malik in, he would lean over and ask her about it. (“Is it a horned boat?” “No it's sitting leave me alone!”)

Her classes, which she started attending on her second day at the school, were pretty much the same lame crap she remembered from her normal high school, with less of a focus on the importance of really learning the stuff because Blue was pretty sure it didn't even really matter. Apparently she'd attended first period the previous day, which was “Performance,” meaning they basically turned out a play every few weeks. Which was just...awful. Though they didn't have to actually perform them all, thankfully. Second period she thought maybe the class was called, “Math 1: Math,” but she wasn't sure because Kip was in the class, and every time someone would say “three” he would jump and dig his fingers into his palms. Once someone repeated the number so many times he kicked the person in front of him “out of fear.” The person happened to be the teacher, who wasn't so understanding about it.

Her favorite class was Improvisation. Mostly because she was so awesome at it. Teddy apparently returned for this class, the last period of the day. The teacher was named Hamilton Paddington. They decided that was too long, so either called him “HP” or “Hammy,” which he was pretty OK with (Ironically, he was also a vegetarian). Despite the fact that he was a teacher, Blue thought of him as a friend as well, since he was only in his early twenties and dressed completely casually, despite the teacher's dress code.

“No, no no! Cor blimey guys. Cor blimey,” he said, his arms folded and a scowl on his face (He was dating a Brit. He wouldn't tell them what gender the person was, to their frustration, but Blue secretly suspected it was Alec. Even though Alec was clear about his being straight and blah blah blah, Blue had gotten distracted by that rat of his again). “You cannot just run into the wall and pretend I don't know you're there! I can see you!” The pair currently hiding in the corner remained silent. It was Blue and Teddy, who were paired off to work on building scenes from scratch. Somehow they ended up getting completely off track in their improv and had started pointlessly singing a song they'd made up in the previous week called “Chew chew chew, those drugs are bad for you” and Hammy had gotten irritated and told them to focus, at which point they abandoned all hope and ran for the corner. “I can see you,” Hammy repeated. Blue made the mistake of peeking to check if he was telling the truth (which she seriously doubted, because they were basically ninjas) and accidentally caught the big blue eyes of her teacher. He raised his eyebrow in what Blue could only assume was some attempt to show off since she could do no such thing, walked over, and stared into her eyes. She couldn't resist those big baby blues, so she sighed and waked away from the wall. When she relented, so did Teddy.

“OK,” Hammy said, “try again. Build the scene. Storyline. Beginning. Middle. End. You have to do this.” The pair sighed as they regrouped. Teddy and Blue stared at each other. They'd gotten to know each other very well over the weeks, and Blue stared at Teddy's hair to think. It was parted to the right, but by some magic it was all pushed forward except at the very bottom. His eyes and Hammy's shared similar coloring and general size. They both had a weird ability to make her do what they wanted when she looked into their eyes.

“Hey,” Teddy said, in his deep voice (strangely convincingly deep), “so I heard about what happened...It's just tragic.”

“Yeah,” Blue mumbled, “yeah, yeah...the tragic slaughter of the Cookie Monster...”

“Yes,” Teddy agreed, “very tragic. We must go about honoring him, then. Why are we supposed to bury him, by the way?”

Blue shrugged, “They think we're possibly the most manly people in the entire world.” Teddy and Blue shared eye contact and proceeded to do their manliest poses. They got a couple slight chuckles and all out laughter from Malik. Blue had also gotten to know him pretty well, and apparently he and Teddy were close friends. For whatever reason, then, the two of them being manly was laughable.

“Well, let's get to moving him then,” Teddy suggested, and Blue nodded and bent down as if going to grab something. Teddy sighed and shook his head, “Such a shame, dying in such irony.”

“Yes,” Blue agreed, picking up on Teddy's words, “to be baked into a giant cookie. Dying in the very thing he so loved.” She sighed and looked as if she may tear up, and Teddy patted her shoulder. “So let's move him,” she suggested, and the two of them bent down and tried their darnedest to move the clearly giant Cookie Monster. They both made frustrated noises and stared down at the dead Cookie Monster.

“Uh...,” Teddy mumbled, as Blue looked very angry. “I'm going to go get someone who's impossibly strong to help,” he said, turning and running. In the short break where he was gone, Blue bent down to the Cookie Monster's body as if she wanted to kill it again, and kicked it about five times.

“Stop, police!” Teddy shouted, coming back into the scene with his body hunched up and his shoulders pushed out. “What happened here?”

Blue stopped and shrugged, trying to look innocent. Teddy gasped and nearly fell over when he spotted the Cookie Monster on the ground, and Blue panicked and ran from the scene. She prepared to come back in, but Hammy cut them off.

“Not that this isn't...interesting, and all,” he muttered, “but shut up. You're being just...awful.”

“Shut up,” Teddy retorted. Blue had made a story for the two of them: They were each others' long lost brothers, and then they accidentally started dating and then didn't speak to each other again when they realized they were brothers, until their other long lost brother came into the picture and reunited them. Blue was a bit creeped out by the idea herself, but she was pretty sure working on Soap Operas was her calling in life, so she wanted to get a head start. She could just imagine herself coming in as a longtime character, replacing her, being some sort of long lost family member no one knew about, have lots of random babies and affairs...Oh, she could just see it perfectly. A dream come true. After world domination, of course.

“Seriously!” she heard Hammy shouting. Apparently she'd “drifted off again” like she “did every day.” Teddy patted Blue's shoulder as the two of them went to sit down. Hammy walked to the front of the room, folding his arms in front of him as he began speaking. “To pull off humor...You just need to focus on everything else, and the humor will come. That's all for class today. The bell's about to...Oh God...” Suddenly a man began knocking intently on the door of the room. From her angle, Blue could sort of see him. He looked like he needed to use the bathroom. He burst through the door and Hammy sighed and covered his face.

“Where's the loo!?” the man demanded in a British accent. The entire classroom began smirking as Hammy covered his face.

“Down the hall to the left,” Hammy muttered. As soon as the man sprinted out of the room, Hammy sighed.

“Ha!” Blue declared, just as the bell signaling the end of classes rang. Hammy bolted from the room, running to the bathroom as well. Most of the students went on their way, but Blue, Teddy, and by obligation Malik, followed him to the bathroom. Blue naturally couldn't go in, but she heard some shouting on Hammy's part. At first she thought it was at the mystery man, but then she realized it was at Teddy. Something about, “Privacy while I yell at my stupid boy—er...friend about boundaries!” or something. She looked to Malik and smirked.

“So...I guess you owe me money,” she said, and he raised his eyebrows at her.

“Really? And why?” he asked, imitating the way she had her arms folded.

“The bet. He's dating a dude,” she said, and Malik rolled his eyes.

“I think we remember that conversation differently,” he insisted.

“No, I said 'I think he's dating a dude. I bet you twenty bucks he's dating a dude.'”

“And I said, 'Yes I agree he probably is, I'm not making this bet with you that sounds idiotic,'” Malik replied, but Blue appeared not to hear.

“Get me the money by Monday or you'll be swimming with the fishes by Tuesday,” she threatened in a gangster-like voice.

“...OK,” Malik muttered, pretty sure he wasn't going to get out of this one, simply because he was talking to Blue. Teddy came back out with a shove and smirked at Malik.

“He's dating a dude, you owe me fiddy dollas,” he declared to Malik, who just blinked at him as if frustrated.

“I owe you nothing!” he protested, but Teddy, just like Blue, had stopped listening.

“Get me the money by Monday or it'll be you with the fishes Tuesday,” Teddy threatened as Blue grinned and the two turned to leave.

“That's what I said!” she cheered, as Malik rolled his eyes and followed his friends away.

They walked back to Malik's room, where they generally stayed, since Kendall and Alec were generally not the best roommates. They saw Kip there, talking on the phone to his parents. He wasn't in their improv class with them and had a class closer to the dorms, so he generally beat them back to the room. For whatever reason, his parents called frequently. Blue was pretty sure it was to reaffirm the weird fears they instilled in him while they raised him. He tended to hang out with either them (Malik, Teddy and Blue) or Rashida. Blue was pretty sure they were involved in some secret romance. She'd made up a story for it. See, their parents had been enemies and then their kids had met at a party. They fell in love immediately and got married and planned to run away together, but then they both ended up killing themselves. Wait. That didn't make sense, did it? Since they were still alive and all. Whatever. Moving on...

“Dating Radish yet?” Blue asked as the three filed into the room, as she did every day. Kip rolled his eyes and hung up on his parents.

“Rashida,” he corrected, causing Blue to shrug.

“That's so hard to say,” she mumbled. “Can I call her 'Rash'?”

Kip scowled at her, “That's even worse than Radish.”

“Well then she'll stay Radish as long as Malik's last name is Shaloob,” Blue replied as Kip stood up from his bed.

“Well if I could remember it I would,” he insisted. Blue had noticed he also said the rainbow as red, orange, yellow, blue, indigo, violet. Something about “Green” just didn't exist to him.

“So the three of us want some privacy?” Teddy suggested. Blue figured he only said it because he wanted top say “three.” In response, Kip jumped. He was always more jumpy after he talked to his parents.

“Why do you say that?” he asked, looking like he may have a heart attack.

“I don't know,” Teddy replied. “The whole thing is just strange then, isn't it?” Kip nodded.

“I am going to go meet Radish, then,” he said, blinking as he thought over his words. “Did I call her Radish?” he asked. The other three shook their heads, “Oh...I figured I didn't. I wouldn't do that, no way.”

He left as they went over their improv class. Of their acting group, only the three of them were in their improv class. Rashida referred to herself as awful at improv, Ginger whose name Blue kept forgetting said she just wanted to leave the whole school behind but her parents wouldn't let her, Gerda had questioned what “improv” meant, and Kip was afraid of the name “Hamilton Paddington,” or at least one of the two names. Blue thought it was Hamilton, or possibly just “ham.” She'd eaten ham in front of him one day and he just stared at it with wide eyes the entire time. It was remarkable how still he'd been, actually. Afterward Teddy said something like “I thought you were Jewish?” which Blue totally didn't understand what that had to do with her eating ham. She'd called him racist and left the room.

They spent the rest of the day planning their next Improv class, mostly because they wanted to mock Hammy for all they could. Soon they were sitting in class again. When it came to Blue and Teddy's turn (Malik was partners with some random girl) they made sure to talk in British accents and make references to the “loo” as often as they could. Their plot had to do with one of them needing to use the bathroom and not being able to make it home, so stopping in a random person's apartment to use their toilet. Hammy looked a bit annoyed.

The next day they repeated the same general plot, except in reverse roles. By Friday, they'd moved on to Blue desperately shouting at Teddy that she need a bathroom and she needed it right then because she was “freakin' preggers” and it was his “freakin' fault” so he should either “find me a bathroom or become a freakin' toilet, man!” Hammy cut this one off due to “inappropriate imagery.” As they went to leave the class, Hammy called out to them.

They were pretty sure he was going to yell, because they were being sort of a little bit disrespectful, but he just stared at them with his big blue eyes. They understood. This was his punishment. Having to look into those eyes, looking all disappointed. After a couple minutes of intense staring, they both cried out.

“We're sorry!” Blue shouted. “We'll never, ever, make fun of your gay-itude again!”

“Yeah!” Teddy cried. “We've morphed into better people who don't make fun of people whose boyfriends show up to use the bathroom!”

Hammy laughed, “Guys, I really don't care. He's a moron, but I love him, so what can I say? You're perfectly free to make fun, but it's getting old. You need new material guys! Work on it.”

They stared at him as if mortally betrayed, moving their heads in various directions to look dramatic, before Teddy finally asked, “So is that what happened? He was closer to here than home and had to pee so bad he just decided to come here?”

“Yep,” Hammy replied simply. Teddy and Blue left the room to a waiting Malik, who asked them what had happened.

“We were right,” Blue replied.

“We're always right,” Teddy insisted.

Malik rolled his eyes at them again as they walked.

The weekend rolled by with a breeze, and to both Teddy and Blue's surprises, Malik handed each an envelope with the words “Bet Money” written on them. He left before they opened them, which they heartily got to.

Once they ripped their envelopes open they stared. “...This is Monopoly money! Get back here you lying liar of lies!”

Malik chuckled to himself, hearing the shout from the dorms when he'd give the envelopes to them in the class building. “You never specified what type of money!” he shouted back. As soon as they caught up with him, Teddy and Blue glared at Malik and told him they were keeping the money anyway. They then fell back into their normal routine of studying, practicing lines and whatever else they wanted. Blue daydreamed of Uni, drew pictures of her...Malik asked if it was a walrus. Normal stuff.

Chapter Four: Visitor's Day

“So welcome one and all to the school!” Miss Allberry declared from the front of the room. “We're going to tell you all about what...,” she trailed off and blinked, as if extremely sleepy, and stumbled off to the side of the stage, where she lay down and fell asleep. Hammy blinked and ran to the mic before anyone else, laughing at the audience.

“Sorry! Narcolepsy at its finest!” he declared. Miss Allberry was narcoleptic. He glanced around the room, staring into many unfamiliar eyes. “So it's visitor's day...I think most of you are parents, some of you are significant others...Friends...Uh...Maybe the principal wants to...,” he looked around and sighed, “not be here. Anyone know what Today was going to say?”

“Huh?” came a random voice from the crowd who didn't understand “Today” was a name. The faculty behind Hammy shrugged, so the Improv teacher laughed.

“Well,” he stated. “I'm not sure what's happening, honestly...” Someone walked out from behind the curtain then, waving to the crowd.

“Hey!” Teddy greeted. Blue followed him out because she liked to be in the limelight.

“I'm Blue,” she shouted into the mic, as Hammy sighed.

“Well this is local troublemaker Blue,” he said, taking the mic back from her, “who will probably not help so much. And Teddy, certified genius.”

Teddy laughed as he spoke, as articulate as he always was in front of a crowd, “So, as Miss Allberry was saying, we'd like to welcome you to our school. I heard her practice a couple times, so I'm pretty sure I can sum it up. Today we took a special day out of classes to show everyone the various activities we do at the school. We'll start off with a special preview of our group's play The Importance of Being Earnest...”

“Yeah, and then other stuff!” Blue cheered.

Teddy smiled his charming “good God you're on stage try to be normal when you're on stage” smile as he continued, “Following that the orchestra will be performing one of their pieces. After that I believe the concert choir will give you a taste of a couple of their songs. Following their performance our improv class will show off our chops, and the show choir will perform for you. To finish out we'll have the dance group perform and then the concert band's performance. Stick around!” He grinned, and Blue felt compelled to speak.

“We're awesome at this stuff guys!” she declared, and Teddy offered the crowd a forced smile. He pushed Blue off the stage and let Hammy take over, whispering that they clearly weren't dressed and ready for the show so he should stall. Hammy walked back to the mic and smiled awkwardly.

“Well I guess it's up to me to entertain you for a couple minutes. So how are you all?” he asked. The crowd remained generally silent.

“I'm brilliant!” shouted the Brit from what Blue referred to as “the loo incident.”

“Ha...,” Hammy mumbled, waving to the man apparently named Reginald Harris. Hammy called him “Reg.” He blinked, “Reg, everyone. My more British-y half. So...Would you like me to tell you a bit about myself in this break?” He was met with silence so he continued, “My name is Hamilton Ezekiel Paddington,” a couple people in the audience laughed as he smiled bitterly at them, “it's like you think I'm joking. I grew up in a place called Holmes County in Ohio. Anyone know anything about it?”

“It's in Amish country!” Reg shouted, and Hammy nodded.

“Right...So now I'm a teacher here at Baylor School for the Arts. It's my second year. Just celebrated my 23^rd birthday...,” the audience was still silent as he paused and Reg went to yell out again. Hammy shook his head at him, motioning cutting his head off. “Anyone else have anything to say?” He glanced to the rest of the faculty, but realized they'd moved to the back of the room and were trying not to draw attention to themselves. To his relief, Miss Allberry seemed to be waking up, and he ran over to her and helped her stumble back to the mic.

She stared at it as if it didn't make any sense at all to her, and poked it. “Hello? What is Burkina Faso? ...Mr. Trebek do you hear me?” Hammy laughed and momentarily looked like he was actually very upset.

“Well this is going well then, isn't it?” he asked, as Miss Allberry continued to stare at the microphone.

“Ohhh,” she mumbled, “I remember...Welcome to our show! It's about time to start The Importance of Being Earnest, right? You guys ready?” Blue shouted back (sure everyone would love to hear her speak again) that they were definitely ready. Hammy ran backstage, where Teddy, Malik, and Kip stood, all prepared for their entrances.

“Sure now you're ready,” he mumbled bitterly. “Break a leg guys.”

“Yep,” Malik replied, “thanks a ton. You grew up in Amish country?” Hammy nodded as he left the stage to sneak into a side door of the auditorium, waving as he went. Miss Allberry showed up backstage as he left, grinning at her students.

“OK, just do it like we practiced!” she said, pushing Malik and Kip on stage with a smile. They performed the first act of the play for the audience, then sat around complaining everything else was boring and useless until the improv bit came up. Hammy came back to the stage, giving a quick introduction for the class.

“Well, what we're going to do here is improv. The kids will be in charge of starting scenes, ending scenes and when to come in. I've been working with them all for a bit over a month now, and they've really impressed me with how hard they work. I'm going to turn it over to them now and let them show you what they've learned. Hopefully they'll embarrass me less than I've embarrassed myself today.” The crowd, at the very least, gave him a courtesy laugh.

A girl named Jennifer or something like that started at the front of the stage, looking like she was hammering something into the ground. Malik approached her (she was his pair improv partner) and asked, “Hey, what are you doing?”

She looked at him as if crazed, and turned back to hammering, “I'm trying to rebuild our kid's puppy robot...I stepped on it...It made a noise like...'Yarppuueergaaaauggghhhbzzzzz.'” Malik nodded to her as he crouched on the floor next to her.

“Duct tape?” he suggested, miming handing her a roll. She nodded and mimed pulling a piece off, then largely wrapped it around the puppy. She and Malik stared at it as someone in the class behind them made noises resembling a toy breaking. Blue jumped into the scene with a grin, then gasped.

“Mommy...?” she trailed off, staring at the ground where the taped toy dog lie.

Jennifer stared at her for a moment, looked at Malik, and the two ran away from Blue. Another classmate took the opportunity to run across the stage, meaning scene wipe. They started a new scene, but Blue felt particularly annoyed her time in the spotlight had been cut down and spent most of the time glaring at the classmate who'd cut her off.

Teddy ran to the middle of the stage near their cutoff time, shouting, “Hello? Do I hear...TROUBLE CALLING?” He placed his arms on his hips and Blue imitated him.

“Yes, I think I hear some!” she said, cupping her ear and leaning to her left. The rest of the stage was silent. “I SAID...Yes, I think I hear some!” A girl finally walked over to the side of the stage, Teddy and Blue ran over to her.

“What's the trouble ma'am?” Teddy asked, running up and posing the same way. Blue imitated him perfectly again.

“Well,” she mumbled, “I found this weird thing growing from my face.”

Teddy stared at her, then scowled, “This is a serious problem indeed ma'am! SIDEKICK! Get my Doctor-Hero kit!” Blue nodded and ran off to get the kit, as Teddy inspected the girl's face carefully. “And how long has it been this way?”

The girl shrugged, “Well I noticed it for the first time today. See I've lived in a cave my whole life where we didn't have mirrors....What's this?”

Teddy stared where the girl was pointing above her lip and rubbed his chin as if he had a beard. “I do believe that's called a mustache ma'am...”

“Oh,” she replied. “Well it's right up near the growth. Where is that sidekick of yours?”

Blue came running back, huffing and puffing. She cupped her mouth toward the audience, “I couldn't find the normal kit,” she whispered, handing over an invisible kit, “so I brought 'Baby's First Doctor Set,' I hope you don't mind.” Teddy shrugged and shuffled through the clearly tiny bag, pulling out an instrument he pinched together and held up. He held it up to her face as if it was a magnifying glass, and made thinking noises.

Finally he declared, after sifting through the bag some more and reading a tiny book, “I believe it's called a no—oouuse. A nose.” Hammy ran back to the front of the stage, his charisma returning slightly as he spoke.

“Thanks for watching! I truly hope you've enjoyed this performance and I hope you'll swing by to watch their other performances once I get them started! Next up we have...,” he looked to Teddy, who mouthed show choir, “show choir! If you like Glee I think those things are similar or the same or something? Stay and watch!” He ran off stage, as did the improv group. Teddy and Blue sneaked out of the crowd, pretty sure show choir sounded stupid. Mostly Blue wasn't exactly the best singer or dancer in the world and didn't like watching people who were better than her at things do stuff. Teddy liked show choir, but decided to stick with the adventure Blue promised him. They ran around in the hallway for a while, until they came across a wandering child.

“Would you like some candy?” Blue asked enticingly. The little girl stared at her and her candy less hand, looked around, and began crying. Blue looked to Teddy with wide eyes and shout whispered, “Run away!” Teddy didn't follow her, so she hid in the first door she saw.

“Hello...,” a familiar voice mumbled.

“KEN—ahhhh?!” she shrieked, covering her own mouth. Apparently Kendall had been hanging out in a storage closet. Blue noticed mops all around and questioned to herself why Kendall was in the room, which she really would have asked had she not have fallen back into the door from the shock and knocked it back open. Apparently Teddy was walking by at that very moment and she “hit” him with the “door,” and the “lost kid” was “crying again.” Whatever all those things meant. Blue pulled herself up off the floor and dusted herself off, glaring at the crying child.

“Shut up,” she whined at her. Teddy rolled his eyes, but smiled at Blue to show he wasn't really mad before ushering the child away from the the clear danger zone that was Blue. Blue stared at the doors to the auditorium, placing her hands on either temple and making buzzing noises. After a good five minutes she cursed at the doors.

“Open! Open I say!” Right as she shouted, people began flooding out of the auditorium. “I did it!” she shouted into the group of people, who generally ignored her and just kept walking. Suddenly she spotted the guest she invited, and grinned and waved. She jumped up and down a bunch of times, shouting, “Hey! Hey! Over here! Hey!” A girl with red hair came walking over to her, smiling.

“What up little sista?” she asked, and Blue pointed to the ceiling. “Ah yes, the effervescent ceiling,” she said.

Blue blinked, “What makes you think it's smelly?”

“I didn't say it was odorous,” she replied, titling her head to the side.

“But in that commercial those people are saying 'Be your smelly self,' right?”

“Egad?” Red replied.

“What?” Blue mumbled. They stood, staring at each other, until the area was almost completely empty.

“Hey,” Blue snapped out of her confusion at Malik's voice, and gasped when she saw his family.

“OH MY GOD!” she shrieked. “You were kidnapped as a child?” she asked in a hushed voice, pulling Malik away from his parents and sister.

“Uh?” he replied, then laughed. “It's called being adopted.” Blue blinked at him, then to his white parents, then to him, and repeated about twenty times.

“You're engendering a scene,” Red insisted, and Blue gasped.

“I didn't know scenes had genders in the first place, much less that you could change them!” she shouted, as Malik rolled his eyes and smiled.

“Your sister?” he asked, and Blue nodded.

“I'm Malik,” he said, offering his hand for her to shake, “I'm in class with your sister. Where are your parents?” Red shook his hand and shrugged to him.

“It is ostensible they were not summoned,” Red replied, and this time Malik looked just as confused as Blue.

“They weren't teleported here by a monk because of ostriches?” Blue mumbled, and Red tilted her head to the side.

“I'm aghast, for I do not apprehend,” Red replied. The group stood in silence, until Malik decided to speak.

“Well these are my parents,” he said, motioning his very white mother and father, “and my sister.” He went down the line with names, “Lisa, my mother, David, my father, and Li-Mei, my sister.” Blue narrowed her eyes at his sister, blinking, and walked up to her. She pushed on the girl's face and seemed to think hardly for a while, until walking back over to Malik and whispering to him.

“I don't think you're related to her,” she said, “your parents have been lying.”

Malik stared at his sister for a minute, “Oh...Yeah, she's totally Chinese or Asian or something.”

Blue gasped and stepped away from Malik, covering her mouth in her shock. “You knew and you didn't do anything!?”

Malik nodded, “She's adopted too.”

“Oh,” Blue mumbled, “I thought she was kidnapped...”

“Nope,” Malik mumbled, guiding Blue over to his parents. They grinned at her, which was all very suspicious.

“Your friend is SO NICE!” Lisa cooed loudly, touching her face and smiling.

“Wow!” David shouted. “She is just so pretty! I bet your parents are so proud of you.”

Li-Mei blinked from her parents to her brother, until finally mumbling, “Hey.”

Blue looked around to see if her other best buddy was still around, but they were alone in the hallway. Red introduced herself then, “I am called Red. I'm pleased to acquaint myself with you all.”

“You're so cute!” Lisa said with a grin, and Malik began guiding all of them out of the hall, Li-Mei trying her best to help him. Soon they were in his dorm room, as Red and Blue decided going along with him would be more exciting. Kip was in the room with his parents, who both wore lab coats, rubber gloves, goggles, and pants to match the coats. Kip was running away from them with his ears covered while they both took diligent notes, and within moments they were all gone without talking to the group. As soon as they were gone they spotted Teddy, under Malik's bed, with a large man keeping watch. Apparently Teddy thought hiding in Malik's room was more exciting than hanging with his visitors as well. Soon the three of them were all walking on tours with their guests, and Blue met Teddy's parents, as well as his little sister and she noticed the very scary huge black man who was completely silent, who'd been hiding with Teddy. Teddy didn't tell her his name and she was scared to ask.

“This is my mom and dad and sister,” Teddy stated, after being forced back into the dorm hallway where his parents had been searching for him.

His parents both looked like him in their own rights, and were an attractive pair. The real attraction was his doll of a sister, who stood with a yellow sundress on, eating a lollipop. She couldn't have been more than eight, and she looked like a life-sized doll. Her eyes were bright blue, much like Teddy's, and her hair was blond and in pigtails with bows. Blue stared at her for a while, sneaking closer and closer to her, until she poked her in the eye. Just to see if she was real, of course. She moved a mechanical seeming arm and swatted Blue away. Blue was still suspicious.

Teddy ran down their names as the group traveled, “Sister is Ariana, mother is Linda, father is Ronald.” Blue nodded but continued looking back and forth between the large man and Ariana, pretty sure the latter was a robot and the former was a silent assassin only she could see. They walked through the hallway, going to the various rooms, but Blue couldn't focus. She's just been thinking about the robot and the assassin, who were clearly in it together. She had to find some way to save them all from the scary people! As she walked along she fantasized that Uni came in and stabbed them with her unicorn horn and they were all saved from the evil of the robot and the assassin.

The first classroom she paid attention to was Hammy's. Reg was in the room with him, and no one else, and both jumped like they were being horribly inappropriate when they walked in. Very suspicious. “Are these your families?” he asked, grinning at the group. Blue eyed Reg suspiciously. Because she was pretty sure he was in this evil plot as well. Also because he was half sitting on Hammy's lap. And PDAs were illegal in their school. She could have him arrested.

“Yep,” Malik replied, “my family,” he motioned his parents, who said something about how absolutely nice the room looked, “Teddy's,” he said, and Teddy's parents smiled but eyed Reg like he was being inappropriate, “and Blue's sister. We're not sure why her parents aren't here.”

“They speak Clicker language I couldn't get the message to them,” Blue insisted, then got back to staring.

“I endeavored to notify them,” Red said, “however, they did not comprehend my promulgation.”

Hammy blinked at her, then looked up to the assassin. “You're, uh...,” he said, as if trying very hard to remember the man's name, “Steel Kilmeistah?” The large man nodded. Blue wracked her brain to remember where she'd heard the name before, before screaming.

“OH MY GOD!” she shrieked, then turned on Teddy, “YOU'RE DATING THE EVIL ASSASSIN!?”

Teddy blinked, turned to Steel, and looked around uncomfortably, “He's a street fighter...” Teddy's parents showed their distaste at this, wrinkling their noses at Steel.

“Oh...,” Blue mumbled. She didn't believe it. She glared over to Steel, who turned his head to her slowly. He was easily 6'8” or 6'9”, all muscle, and wore a black t-shirt and jeans. Perfect clothes for a secret assassin. Soon Teddy was going to be telling her Ariana wasn't a robot he created with his genius powers but actually his sister. Hammy thought they were all “adorable,” but seemed eager for them to leave. Maybe he was involved in this evil plot too, he was dating Reg, who was definitely the mastermind behind it all. Because clearly British people still had an angry grudge against Americans, and Blue knew it. This was a plot to take over America by assassinating Blue! At last she understood. They'd come back in time because she was so influential in the future and it was threatening the British control of America they wanted in the future. DUH! As soon as they got to Miss Allberry's room she was sure she was right. Ariana had thrown away her lollipop and it suspiciously looked like it hadn't been eaten at all...Because robots don't eat, obviously! It was clearly all a ploy to trick people into thinking she wasn't a robot. When she was definitely a robot.

Blue looked around Miss Allberry's room for something to threaten the evil people with, and spotted a chair. She ran over to it and lifted it above her head, seeing the assassin as the biggest threat, and threw it at him. Teddy gasped and moved in the way of the chair dramatically, but Steel moved him aside with the sweep of an arm, holding him close to himself and causing him to giggle and hug him, moving the chair aside with a sweep of the other arm.

“What the hell, Blue?” Teddy shouted after he finished fawning over Steel's bravery.

“I thought he was an assassin,” Blue insisted. Teddy blinked angrily.

“I see it too!” Miss Allberry shouted. “In cahoots with the robot no doubt!”

“Yeah! She understands!” Blue shouted, pointing to her teacher.

“What?” Teddy mumbled. “Robot?” he asked.

“The robot sister you created,” Blue explained.

“Because you're a genius,” Miss Allberry continued, “but she turned evil on you secretly! Don't be fooled by her sweet looks.”

“Exactly!” Blue declared. Teddy ushered his family and boyfriend away then, not sure how to deal with the crazy. This left Blue to continue the tour with Malik's family again. It seemed it wasn't time for the evil plot yet, but Blue would be watching out. They finished the tour in Blue's room, where Alec sat with his rat and waved. He didn't have any visitors. He was the only Brit Blue figured she could trust in all of this, because he seemed so very suspicious, so therefore he couldn't be. Obviously. They finished the day and the visitors left, the students hugging their visitors goodbye.

Malik and Blue sat around in Malik's room, waiting for Teddy to show up for their nightly hanging out time, but he didn't show up. They went to his room after a while, and found him making out with his boyfriend. Which grossed Blue out because Teddy was about half Steel's size, and Blue prided herself on being sizist in terms of relationships. Which is the body size form of racism, and, like interracial couples (which they also coincidentally were, but that didn't bother Blue), there were intersizal couples. Blue did not approve. Also Steel was an evil assassin, and Blue really liked Teddy and didn't want him to get sucked into the evil Steel was spreading around. Malik was uncomfortable, but for an entirely different reason.

“Teddy,” he said and Teddy jerked his head away from Steel, Malik then mouthed something Blue couldn't understand. Teddy shrieked and jumped away from Steel.

“Kendall!” he cried, and Kendall blinked at him from under a desk.

“Yes?” she/he mumbled.

“When did you come in here?” he asked.

Kendall shrugged, “I don't know...You two were already doing that thing with your mouths...It's very interesting...”

“Oh my God!” Teddy gasped. “Why didn't you say something? How do you move so silently?”

“I didn't want to disturb you,” Kendall replied, and Teddy shivered.

“Go!” he mouthed to Blue and Malik, and they retreated from the room, Steel following them out. Steel left soon, looking like he might be blushing, but Blue couldn't tell. It might be an evil assassin trick. Teddy came back to Malik's room, where Kip was sitting on his bed, rocking back and forth. They told each other all about their days then, though Blue didn't tell Teddy about the evil plot, afraid he'd be heartbroken. Blue dreamed about Uni defeating the evil plot that night, and everything felt right again.

Chapter Five: Must Remain Locked

The day started out like any other, Blue rushed around to get ready to go, in her room, watching Alec awkwardly and debating whether they'd moved far enough in their relationship by Blue staring at Alec all the time when he did crazy person stuff for her to change in front of him. She decided no again and went into their closet to change. Once again, she repeatedly bumped into the door, until Alec walked over and asked if there was someone else in there with her. Or was it a monster? Did she need help killing it? She emerged from the door shortly, with her hair all messed up and her clothes not on straight. Alec once again stared into the closet like he couldn't understand what had happened in there until Blue was gone from the room.

She went to first period. The class went completely off topic, and of course Ginger started whining about how annoying it was. In any case, the rest of the class discussed a very interesting topic.

“So, land fish,” Malik said, “better to eat than kittens of the sea?”

“Huh?” Blue echoed.

Teddy practically shrieked, “Eating land fish is a terrible idea!”

“I think they'd be tasty,” Rashida chimed, “maybe a little fluffy...”

“What's a land fish?” Blue asked. Kip gasped.

“Stephen Colbert!” he shouted. This was apparently his only explanation, but it didn't really help Blue out too much.

“Kittens are land fish,” Miss Allberry explained. “And you'd have to cook them real well before you ate them. Also there's not much meat in them, is there?”

“No,” Malik agreed, “but kittens of the sea are so cute.”

“What are kittens of the sea?” Blue asked. Kip gasped.

“STEPHEN COLBERT!” he shouted again.

“Those terrifying looking fish in the ocean that are so cuddly,” Miss Allberry explained.

Gerda spoke next, “I own one. It is my most favorite pet animal.”

“Oh?” Blue replied. “Does it have a name?”

“Svea,” Gerda replied. “I do not understand why we discuss eating tiny cats however. Are they an American delicacy? Or maybe they are African delicacies? You are from Africa, Radish?” Blue laughed out loud. Mostly because Gerda had started calling Rashida “Radish” after she'd heard Blue do it. It was awesome.

Rashida seemed to be quelling some sort of anger before she replied, “I'm not from Africa. My grandparents were, though.”

“Ohhh,” Gerda mumbled, turning to fiddle with her fingernails. “I am from Sweden. We do not eat baby cats there.”

Everyone was silent, until Kip chimed in, “They eat cats and dogs in China, right?”

“I don't know,” Malik replied. “Either way, why would you want to eat a cat or dog? They can't have much nutritional value, can they?”

“Maybe they do?” Miss Allberry replied. The bell rang for the end of the period, and she assigned them homework to figure out the nutritional values of cat and dog.

Blue had left the room with determined confusion and continued to all her other classes, as normal. What she found wasn't normal was Teddy's absence during Improv, so she mostly just sat at the wall, staring like a lost puppy. When the bell rang for the end of class everyone else left the room, and Hammy walked over to her, waving his hand in front of her face.

“Are you OK, Blue?” he asked, gently prodding her face with a pencil eraser.

“I don't know where I am,” Blue replied, and Hammy blinked.

“It's my classroom,” he replied. Blue turned to look at him, her head sideways, her mouth hanging open. “You know? I'm Mister Paddington? Hammy? HP?”

“Why are we here?” she asked.

“Are you sick?” Hammy shot back.

“Where's Teddy?” she mumbled at last. “He's always here. Where is he? I don't know what's happening when he's not here to tell me...”

“I don't know,” Hammy replied, shrugging. “The attendance thing said he'd be absent, though. You're friends with Malik too, right? Why doesn't he help you out with this problem of yours?”

“Ehhhh,” Blue mumbled. “Malik's not a genius. Can't trust him. Why don't you know where Teddy is? Don't you gays just know these things?”

“Are my gay senses tingling?” Hammy replied, and Blue nodded. “No. Malik is waiting for you outside the door. Just go. He'll help you out.” Blue nodded and stood from her chair, shuffling out the door slowly.

“Where's Teddy?” she asked Malik immediately.

“His parents took him to see a school for the gifted. I mean, genius school,” Malik replied. Blue just stared at him, so he continued explaining. “They don't really care that he's gay, right? Because that was pretty predictable, but they were always pretty excited about the genius thing, so they always try to push him toward, uh, greater heights. But I've always gotten the impression Teddy wishes he wasn't a genius...Are you coming or what?” Malik had begun walking away, but Blue hadn't moved from her spot. Malik rolled his eyes and walked back over to her, grabbing her by the hand and pulling her in the direction he wanted to go. They walked through the halls hand-in-hand, something which made Malik weirdly happy and totally distracted him from where they were going, until they stopped and looked around, clueless.

“WHERE ARE WE?” Blue shrieked. Malik blinked and, feeling slightly embarrassed, shrugged. Blue stared in front of her, not removing her hand from Malik's, and looked all around. In a moment they heard a loud holler, and someone crashed into the two of them. It wasn't remotely romantic, like Blue had expected from the media, when she was smashed into Malik's shoulder, and a hand shoved on her back so hard she felt like Malik's shoulder had given her a nosebleed.

They could hear two feet land on something that clanged oddly as Blue let out a soft whimper, and a loud voice declared, “Ha! X once again conquers the strangers taking his land from him!”

Malik sat up and Blue fell off to his side, where she lay and whimpered softly to herself. “What the freaking hell!?” Malik shouted.

“Oh,” the voice mumbled. “These guys are your friends, aren't they...?” Blue saw some extremely skinny legs approaching, which could only mean the super skinny European, Gerda, was walking over.

“Yes, I believe they could be called this. Why have you hurt them in this way?” Gerda asked, helping Blue to her feet, then offering her hand to Malik.

“X has never seen them here before,” he replied, shrugging. Blue got full view of him and realized who he was; Gerda's roommate. Like Teddy, she'd never managed to learn his name. All she knew was that he was generally termed Native American by race, and he referred to himself as “X.” And, like Teddy had told her on her first day, he was absolutely crazy. “X thought they may be a threat or X was afraid they weren't extreme enough to survive in this environment!”

“We'll be OK,” Malik insisted. “If you tell us which direction to head, we'll be on our way...”

“What's WRONG with that door?” Blue asked, walking over to a door and staring at it.

“That is what we have been investigating,” Gerda explained, as Malik stared at the door. It read “Door must remain closed and locked at all times.” To no one did that make sense.

“What is wrong with it?” Malik asked, glaring at it. “It's a door! Doors are made to be opened. Not always shut and locked.”

“Yes,” Gerda agreed. “We have not been able to understand why this is so.” X shook his head to agree with her, as Blue appreciated Gerda's improved English.

“X tried to kick it down,” X explained, “but it remained in place. X just doesn't know why it's like this!” He shouted a couple times and whipped out a dart gun, holding it threateningly up to the door. Blue just stared at him, thinking he looked far too Native American. He wore an American Indian style headband with flames on it, had long black-brown hair in a ponytail (which Blue secretly thought would be a mullet if it weren't put up), had dark brown eyes, and tan skin. Blue was sure she didn't advertise her race so loudly (though her slightly tan skin, dark hair and dark eyes probably didn't hide it as much as she thought, and her nose was borderline stereotypical). His shirt was black with flames on it, he wore gray cargo shorts, stood on a skateboard, and wore the appropriate elbow guards and knee guards to go with the skateboard. On his feet were combat boots, with “X” on the toe of both.

“What do you think is in there?” Blue asked, and Malik shrugged as both of them stared at the large metal door.

“The bodies, I bet,” he replied. Blue looked alarmed and twitched her head toward Malik, her mouth hanging open in astonishment.

“What bodies?” she echoed.

“Oh, you know,” Malik replied, and Blue's eyes got large.

“No I don't know,” she insisted.

“You really don't know?” he gasped. Blue shook her head, as Malik realized X and Gerda were both eying him like they were just as freaked out by his words.

“What bodies!? She said what BODIES!” X shouted, smacking Malik's chest in anger, then shaking him by the shoulders.

Malik stared at X, looking shocked, until he finally snapped out of it. “Didn't you know this used to be an old nuclear power plant in place of the school?”

“NO X DID NOT KNOW!” X shouted, hopping off his skateboard and flipping it up to his hands. Blue would have been amazed if she wasn't so terrified. X demanded, “WHAT HAPPENED?”

“Well there was a meltdown,” Malik continued, “and some radioactive materials spread into the area and killed many people and caused some to mutate. In order to cover it up, the company that owned the plant hid the bodies underneath this very room. It's said their ghosts haunt the room and it being locked is the only thing that keeps them in.” No one seemed to notice he hadn't known why it was locked mere moments ago, or they didn't care.

“Ohhhh,” Blue mumbled, then shrieked. “We can't stand so close to it then, can we? THEY'LL GET ME!” She ran into Malik's arms, and he was so caught off guard he fell silent and just stood with his eyes wide. “WHAT?” she shouted. “DO YOU SEE ONE?”

“X SEES IT!” X shouted and flipped something out of one of the pockets in his cargo shorts, “DIE MUTANT!” he shouted, spraying what he saw with a can that said “Ghost Repellent” on it.

“OH MY GOD!” a familiar voice shouted. Blue turned away from Malik to bravely look into the eyes of the mutant ghost, but to her they really just looked like the green eyes of Austin. X held his dart gun up to Austin's face.

“Don't say another word, ghost mutant,” he threatened, and then looked her over and wrinkled his nose in disgust, “what is wrong with her skin? It has blotches of color all over it...And no natural females grow this tall...” Blue stared at Austin. She never would have guessed Austin was an evil mutant ghost, but apparently that was the case. Maybe that was why she was so angry all the time. Malik was still silent, and blushing, Blue noticed. Maybe the evil mutant ghost was doing something to him?

“Why didn't you tell me?” Blue asked, brokenhearted. Gerda walked over to them and listened patiently, showing no emotion, as if she were an expertly trained killer.

“I'm not,” Austin got a dart gun waved threateningly in her face, and she fell silent.

“No, let her talk,” Blue muttered, looking into Austin's eyes. X glared at her, but pulled the dart gun away from her face.

“OK,” she said, “FIRST of all, I'm a living human. Second these are called freckles and third sometimes girls grow this tall! It's natural!”

“I don't know...,” Blue mumbled.

“Just let me go,” Austin muttered, brushing past X and moving on her way. X shot a dart at the back of her head, and she ignored it and kept walking, stomping in anger. X and Blue looked at each other, alarmed, and turned back to the door to stare.

“Well she was white enough to be,” he muttered bitterly. Malik seemed to regain his composure and insisted Austin wasn't a ghost, before Gerda spoke then and shocked them all.

“You are lying,” she said. “You have just told a story that you made up. It is not fact.”

Malik shrugged, “Believe what you want,” he said. She nodded.

“Yes,” she said. “Then it is still a mystery.”

They all stared at the large door again, as it dawned on Blue that Malik had made up the story. She turned to him, her eyes wide, with a look of betrayal on her face. “You...you made that up?” she asked, tears filling her eyes. Malik's eyed widened at the sight and he gasped.

“I'm so sorry!” he moaned, as tears filled his eyes as well. “I didn't mean tooooo...” They both stood, staring and sniffling for a good five minutes, while X and Gerda stared at the door.

“Do you think perhaps they hold inside the door...,” Gerda trailed off, “weapons in case of an invasion?”

“Explosives?” X offered.

“The Space Invader's spaceship?” Gerda asked.

“Robots?”

“A sex shop?”

“...Explosives?”

They kept glaring at the door, until X threw something from one of his pockets against it and it bounced off, rolling to the floor. Blue went to investigate it, and it turned out to be a little pod that looked like a rock or something, so Blue poked it. As soon as she did, the little pod exploded and she screamed, kicking it as an automatic reaction. It hit X in the back, and the boy jumped and started punching through the air, then kicked at the nearest person: Gerda. The Swede somehow blocked his kick and flipped him to the floor in one solid motion, and Blue immediately started clapping excitedly.

“WOW!” she shouted. “I never would have guessed. Gerda the ninja,” she dubbed, and Gerda looked nervous, as if she had expected a different reaction, and turned her attention away immediately. X pulled himself off the ground and glared at his roommate, who looked around innocently and shrugged, as if to say “Wasn't me.”

Malik pulled something from his pocket then, and stated, “We should probably get to our rooms soon...It's past four.”

“Time has nothing on X!” X shouted. Despite his exuberance, it was pretty clear by the way he'd begun limping that he landed pretty hard on his tailbone when he fell.

Gerda seemed to take a bit of pity on her damaged roommate and said, “We should return to our room, Hakan.” Blue nearly squealed in delight that she'd learned his name as Gerda and Hakan “X” guided she and Malik back to the dorm rooms (actually, Gerda led and Hakan limped). Neither really payed attention to where they were going because Malik was thinking about random things and blushing and Blue was thinking about how excited she was to brag that she knew something Teddy didn't.

It was only after they got back to Malik's room that he told Blue the awful truth. “No, Teddy will be gone for the rest of the week,” he explained as he opened his door, waving Gerda and Hakan goodbye. Blue shrieked loudly and nearly fainted into the room, until she realized the room wasn't empty and stopped mid-faint. Because she can do that.

“Ah!” a mid-inappropriate behavior Kip gasped. Rashida looked around nervously, reminding Blue of the way Gerda had after knocking her roommate over. Malik stared at them. Blue was pretty sure his thoughts were not the proper repulsion to the inter-species relationship (alien-human relationships), but some weird fantasy. She knew what fantasy faces looked like, too. Oh, she knew. “Have you ever heard of knocking?” Kip asked. It became immediately clear Rashida was there for one reason only: making out. How horribly inappropriate. Making out in the privacy of one's room. Malik turned back around without saying anything, as Blue pointed at Kip and Rashida with her mouth open wide, gasping. Malik pulled on her arm as he went and shut the door to give Kip and Rashida some privacy. Blue protested that they would be making babies soon if they didn't do something, but Malik didn't respond to her.

“Can we go to your room?” he asked, and Blue shrugged as she skipped over to her room, not far at all from Malik's. Opening the door, she threw her school things inside and looked around the room. As always, Alec was sitting at his desk with Scamps on his shoulder, doing some weird thing that looked like magic. He greeted them without looking up when they walked in, not turning his attention away from whatever he was doing. Malik looked around the room; he'd never really looked at Blue's room before. She had some pretty random posters up on her half (mostly of unicorns, and she'd written “Uni” on quite a few of them) and everything was light and happy, a stark contrast to the dark and scary half that belonged to Alec. It reminded Malik absently of Teddy's room, with Teddy's sparkly half and Kendall's skull filled half.

Blue walked to her bed and sat down, patting next to her. Malik followed and sat on her bed, still lost in his fantasy world. Blue was surprised, since she hadn't seen him so distracted by anything since she met him. She figured it was because Teddy was gone and Malik felt lost and confused like she did. Mostly because Teddy kept track of all Blue's smarts, so he probably did the same for Malik. “I'm sure he'll be back before we know it,” she comforted, gently patting her friend's shoulder.

“Uh, yeah, I know,” Malik mumbled. “I've been without Teddy before...”

“Oh?” Alec asked, perking his head up from his work. “Theodore is gone?”

“Yeah,” Malik replied, “Teddy's gone for the rest of the week. Why?”

“No reason,” Alec replied, but it was pretty noticeable when he went into a fit of evil sounding laughter afterward. Blue got a bit freaked out, and she and Malik sat in a silent bit of tension, not sure how they were supposed to react after Alec's outburst.

Malik pointed at the door as Blue made a loud announcement, “Your names rhyme.” Malik stared at her as Alec shrugged.

“I suppose so,” he replied. “If you pronounce them as such.”

“Yeah,” Malik agreed softly. “Say, Blue...Why don't we go and see if my room is open yet?”

Blue nodded and stood up from the bed, both of them leaving the room and walking back out to the hallway. They stood around, trying to decide where to go, since Kip and Rashida had proceeded to lock them out. They ended up in Gerda and Hakan's room.

The next day found the both of them back in front of the door, staring it down. Gerda and Hakan both offered up their ideas, and Malik and Blue helped this time.

“I bet that's the door to Narnia,” Blue suggested, “and they keep it locked because they're selfish and they don't want to let anyone in.”

“The door to hell??” Malik asked.

“Maybe they have poor unicorns chained up in there!”

“I bet...I bet they have bodies in there.”

“You said that yesterday.”

“I bet...I bet there are bodies...”

They all continued on, and it haunted Blue's dreams for the rest of the week. In her dreams the door led to all kinds of things. In the worst of her dreams, the door housed zombies that were released into the school, and then Blue saved everyone from the evil zombie invasion with her kung-fu skills. On Thursday, they were sure they got the door open, but it turned out they were hallucinating.

“What are you doing?” a voice Blue sort of recognized asked.

“Asian Pablo!” Blue declared, and the dancer smiled at her. He apparently didn't mind the nickname. It was mostly because it reminded him of Teddy. “We want to get in this door. Can you kung-fu it open?” Pablo stared at the door, shrugged, and stepped away from it.

“I'd rather not,” he said surely. Blue glared at him.

“But whyyyyy?” she whined, and Pablo frowned.

“Theodore told me about it,” he said. “I'd rather not open it.”

“Wait,” Hakan gasped. “You know what's inside?

“No,” Pablo replied, “but I know Teddy told me not to open it with kung-fu, so...I won't.” Pablo left without another word, leaving the group to continue glaring at the door. His appearance, though, helped Blue realize what section of the school they'd ended up in: the dancer's section. Why did the dancers get the cool mystery doors anyway? Blue kicked the door for a final time, and they once again walked to Gerda and Hakan's room to discuss what could be inside. They'd gotten to a point of repeating themselves. Eventually Blue just asked when Teddy was going to come home, and was notified he should be back by afternoon of Friday.

Blue fidgeted in class all day until she finally spotted a familiar head of blond hair. “TEDDY!” she shouted, and ran into the arms of her best gay boy friend. (Malik was her best straight boy friend)

“BLUE!” he cheered, grinning and sweeping her into his arms. Teddy seemed suspiciously taller as they spun around in a circle. “I missed you,” Teddy declared. “I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was going...I thought I might cry...It was just too sad.” Blue nodded, completely understanding Teddy's feelings, as Malik walked over to join them.

“Hey Teddy,” he mumbled, waving to his shorter friend.

“Hugs?” Teddy asked, and pounced on Malik with a grin. “I missed you too, Maliiiiik, don't feel bad.”

They then had a group hug, and caught up on everything that had happened while Teddy was away. Eventually the door came up, and Teddy offered up the explanation, “Oh, yeah, that door? Asian Pablo asked me about that once...See this used to be an old nuclear testing facility, right? That's where they keep the radioactive stuff they haven't had a chance to move yet.”

“No way!” Blue shouted, then declared Malik psychic.

“Yeah,” Teddy mumbled, “and radioactivity can be dangerous. I don't know why they haven't cleaned it up yet, though.”

“Why do you know so much?” Malik demanded. “Are you a vampire!? A sparkly gay vampire!? Then you would have been around long enough to learn all of this...”

Teddy blinked a couple times, “Uh...No.”

“Are you sure?” Malik asked, almost threateningly.

“Well,” Teddy muttered, trying to think of an alibi, “I've grown since Blue's gotten here, haven't I? And vampires have stopped growing. They don't age and they therefore don't grow.” Malik eyed Teddy suspiciously, but sighed and relented, deciding Teddy's alibi was secure. Teddy smiled and rolled his eyes at Malik as his friends recounted all of their theories and ideas about what might have been behind the door. Blue excitedly told Teddy X's name, Hakan, before being informed Teddy had learned that a bit after Blue had shown up. Apparently he'd asked Gerda. Blue glared at him for a while, but eventually made Teddy promise to never leave her again because it caused her to be very very confused and she didn't like it. Teddy noticed Malik's odd behavior, with the blushing and whatnot, but figured he'd address it the next time a big adventure happened, such as the adventure with the locked door. Blue eagerly awaited future adventures to be had in the school, sure life or at least her imagination wouldn't disappoint.

Chapter Six: Going Out

It was something that had been concerning Blue for quite a while. Why didn't she get to go anywhere? Teddy frequently went out on what he called “dates” where his evil assassin boyfriend was actually just gathering information to be used against him and especially against Blue at a later date. And Malik sometimes went places and came back with food and snacks; Blue requested various snacks quite frequently. Her favorites were those little bent twigs with salt on them. What were those called? Oh yeah, pretzels...No! Blue couldn't let her mind wander. She'd been at the school a good some amount of time she thought was between one and two months, and she'd yet to leave school grounds. That was all very suspicious, as many things were to Blue, and she was pretty sure it was a conspiracy. So after class one Tuesday, she asked.

“How come you don't ever take me anywhere?” she whined to Teddy. They were lounging in a common area, with a TV and a game station of some sort, though Blue knew a similar game station and a much smaller TV lived in her own room. Alec had brought it with him and told her to play it, which may have been some sort of feeble attempt to distract her from what he was doing. Not that she understood what it was that he spent all of his time doing anyway, so it didn't even matter.

“Why, it's your clothes, darling,” Teddy replied. “You know you're far too poor to go to the ball.”

The Cinderella reference missed her entirely, “I don't want to go to a ball. I want to go out. With you.”

“Oh, you flatter me,” Teddy replied, not missing the weird look Malik shot from next to him, “but alas. I am a flaming homo and could never return your feelings.”

“Nooooo,” Blue whined, “I want you to take me to nice places...”

“OK, OK,” Teddy mumbled. “I'll just skip the teasing you for asking me out,” he said, since Malik was watching him closely and Teddy felt moderately afraid he might be flipped away from Malik's shoulder where his head was perched if he continued, “where would you like to go?” He leaned up from Malik's shoulder and Blue smiled into his eyes.

“A laundromat,” she said excitedly. Teddy shrugged.

“Yeah,” he replied, without questioning her at all, “I know where one of those is. You're supposed to tell someone if you go out, but...Ehhh. The principal and I are tight. It'll be fine.”

“Yay!” Blue cheered, as Teddy stood up and offered her his hand. Doing the same for Malik and pulling both to their feet, Teddy grinned at them. The three were greeted with angry shouts that they were blocking the TV screen. They headed back to Malik's room, where Kip was sitting staring at the ceiling as if terrified of something.

“Problems?” Teddy asked, as Malik grabbed his wallet and Blue left for her room to get whatever it was she wanted to bring along with her.

“It...,” Kip replied, “there...,” he pointed at the ceiling, and Teddy looked up to stare, immediately understanding why Kip was paralyzed in fright on his bed.

“MALIK!” he shrieked, then pointed at the ceiling, clambering as far away as he could get, onto Malik's bed then somehow between the bed and the wall.

“What?” Malik mumbled, looking up at the ceiling. “Ohhhh. Those are so gross. How'd it get in the room?” He walked over to Kip's bed, stepped on top of it, and waved a shoe toward the thing on the ceiling. Kip's eyes widened as it fell from the ceiling, and landed on Malik's shoulder. Malik jumped and immediately started swatting at his arm, ending up going in a circle and crashing off the side of Kip's bed and then just lying on the floor. Teddy would have laughed, but no. Because the thing had gotten off Malik and started crawling toward him.

“Help!” he let out in a little shriek, but it was too late. The Daddy Long Leg was already climbing up Malik's bed, on a beeline for Teddy. “What did I do to youuuu?” he whined, making some sort of attempt to climb up the wall. In a sudden flash a ball of gray was on Malik's bed, munching away on the arachnid. There was silence, until Teddy exclaimed, “...Scamps? ...You saved my life!” He swept the rat into his arms, and it made some sort of squeal of protest and clawed at him slightly.

Alec showed up in the doorway soon with a look of disgust, Blue trailing behind him slightly. “Get away from that one, Scamps,” he said, and the rat happily obliged.

“I let him loose,” Blue declared loudly, whispering, “accidentally,” as if Alec couldn't hear her, “and he came straight here, weird, huh?”

“He can smell fear,” Alec explained, nearly glaring at Teddy, who was wearing a goofy relieved grin. He looked from Kip to Malik then, who were both lying down trying to regain their composure. “On your feet men. It was but a simple arachnid, was it not?”

Malik shook his head from the floor and mumbled something along the lines of, “Bloodthirsty murderer of innocents.” Kip still wasn't moving, so Alec rolled his eyes.

“Truly,” he declared, “there are no real men left, are there?” He raised an eyebrow at Teddy, who shrugged.

“I've met quite a few men,” he said with a wink, “if you know what I mean.”

Alec blinked at him, “Well. Next time this occurs, don't expect Scamps to come to your rescue.” He turned to leave, but Teddy called out to him.

“Potts?” he said. Blue was confused by the formality, “I owe you one.” Alec grinned evilly then, as Blue entered the room. Then again, it made sense since Alec was British and Harry Potter was British, and in Harry Potter always called that blond girl by her last name. Blue was pretty sure that even though they called her Malfoy, her name was something like Draca or Droca or some combination of those vowels. Did that mean Teddy was secretly British? Blue was pretty sure that no, he wasn't. Going along with Alec's weird name calling was probably something he would do though.

“I'll hold you to it, Albrecht,” he said as he left, Scamps following him closely. Apparently Teddy's last name was Albrecht. Which was news to Blue. She always thought, in the back of her mind, that it was something like Roosevelt. Teddy Roosevelt sounded like something, right? Maybe he was famous or something, then...A celebrity? Blue was confused, so she turned her attention back to the present.

“What happened?” she asked, and got the tale, describing a terror known as Daddy Long Legs. Teddy insisted a more technical term was Harvestmen, but the others didn't seem to care.

“I was getting it,” Malik insisted, “but it jumped at me!”

“Yeah!” Kip agreed. “I saw it. It was like a jumping bean!”

“Yeah,” Malik agreed, “and it took its angry Daddy Long Leg legs and pounced!”

“I saw!” Kip agreed. “I could practically hear it crying out evil noises of wanting to murder stuff, especially people!”

“Yeah,” Malik said, “so I bravely fought it off, not knowing that it headed straight for Teddy...”

“Awww,” Blue whined. “It sounded scared.”

They were all silent, until Teddy admitted, “Now I feel bad for cheering at its death...”

“It was a terrible Daddy Long Leg! It doesn't have a soul!” Kip shouted.

Blue and Teddy still stared at each other with sad looks, as Teddy fell to his knees on Malik's bed as Blue walked over to him. “It was a very misunderstood arachnid,” he said, grasping Blue's hands in his.

“Yes,” Blue agreed, “but we do learn from its death not to judge on appearances alone. Just because something appears to be a disgusting tiny gross thing doesn't mean it doesn't have a soul.”

“So be free, little Harvestman. You will live on in our hearts as a constant reminder to be more tolerant,” Teddy concluded. Kip stared at them as if they were crazy, so Teddy spite-remarked to him. “Three hams sat in stiletto heels with yams and pudding.” Apparently a majority of these things caused fear in Kip, so he ran to his and Malik's closet and hid inside it. Teddy felt a pang of guilt at the fearful look Kip had given him, and knocked on the door patiently.

“Hey Space Invader,” he cooed, “we're going out. Wanna come with us?” A sniffle was his first reply, but the doorknob turned quickly and Kip filed out of the closet.

“Yes,” Kip mumbled. So it was that they finally set out for the laundromat. Blue was so excited she could barely contain herself.

“Are we there yet?” she asked.

“Still no,” Teddy replied, with the patience of a saint. Malik and Kip had long tired of Blue questioning if they were there and had both taken to replying “yes” in some hope that Blue might stop asking.

“What's it like there?” Blue asked for the eight time, as if referring to a magical place.

“Oh, absolutely fabulous,” Teddy replied, as he had every previous time. “Fantastic. Fantabulous!”

“We're going to a laundromat, right?” Kip asked. Blue ignored him.

“And the washing machines...What are those like?”

“Well they spin, which is fun,” Teddy explained. “And if you put in the right color combo they can be real trance makers.”

“Woooooow,” Blue replied, carrying something in a bag as she walked. If she wasn't so excited she might have said her feet hurt. Apparently when Teddy said “walking distance” he meant “it's possible to walk there, but a sane person wouldn't.” Soon the laundromat was in sight and Blue stopped in her tracks. Kip and Teddy kept walking, Kip asking why they were going to a laundromat for about the twentieth time.

“Blue? Come on,” Malik called back and she shook her head.

“Too nervous,” she mumbled. Malik rolled his eyes affectionately.

“Come on,” he said, “I'll be right there with you if you're afraid.” Blue nodded.

“I'm afraid,” she replied. “What if it's not as awesome as I thought it would be? What if it doesn't like me?”

“I'm sure it will love you,” Malik insisted, “though I'm not sure exactly what you're expecting from it...”

Blue took a deep breath, clutching the bag in her hands tightly. Taking one step at a time, she slowly worked her way up to the laundromat, where Teddy was holding the door open obediently. She walked inside and looked all around.

“Wooow,” she mumbled. She stopped in front of a row of washing machines and stared, awe-struck. “It's everything I dreamed of and more!” she declared.

“Of course,” Teddy replied with a grin. Blue then turned to her bag and dumped its contents onto her hand. Even Teddy was a bit taken aback when a small turtle tumbled out of the bag and Blue walked it over to one of the washing machines.

“Hey hey hey!” Teddy called, running over to Blue and blocking her way from the washing machine. “What are you doing with the turtle?” he asked, and Blue blinked at him.

“I was putting Shelly in the washing machine to see if she could swim,” Blue explained.

“Oh,” Teddy replied. “Well, you know...Washing machines are dangerous!”

“Yeah!” Malik chimed. “Once I saw a show where a kid went near a washing machine and he died!”

“WHAT!?” Blue squealed, tossing her turtle aside unceremoniously. “We have to tell everyone!” Kip and Teddy watched as the turtle flew through the air, both debating the pros and cons of diving to save the poor creature. Malik was too busy climbing onto a dryer next to Blue to alert everyone of the dangers of washing machines. “Everyone please do not panic, but you are all in danger of SUDDEN DEATH!” Blue shouted. Shelly clanged to the ground at the same moment and Kip ran over to her, picking her up. Her head, arms, and legs were all inside her shell, and Kip carried her back to Teddy.

“Please evacuate the premises in an orderly fashion!” Malik shouted by Blue's side. The patrons of the laundromat looked at the two, then many of them turned back to what they were doing, some mumbling about crazy kids. They continued shouting while Kip and Teddy looked over the turtle.

“She looks OK,” Kip mumbled, turning her over then gasping. “Her shell is cracked! Do turtles die when that happens?”

“I don't know everything! Dammit! I'm a doctor, not a veterinarian!” Teddy shouted. Kip looked strangely nervous and handed the turtle to the blond genius, though Teddy just looked confused. “What do you want me to do with it?”

“Fix it?” Kip suggested. Teddy sighed.

“Take it back to the dorms,” Teddy mumbled. “Give it to Alec, he'll know what to do with it probably.”

“Alec was...The British guy?” Kip asked. Teddy nodded and pushed Kip on his way, but within moments Kip turned around and declared that he didn't know the way. Teddy sighed loudly and insisted he couldn't really leave Malik and Blue alone, since they didn't know the way back either. “What about the turtle?” Kip asked with big eyes.

“Phone!” Teddy declared, whipping out his cell phone. After a quick moment he mumbled, “Supposed to take it to a vet...Darn...” Kip glared at the turtle, trying to decide what to do with Teddy. “I'm sure Alec can take care of it...But then I'll owe him double...Should I try to find a vet?”

While he was deciding Blue and Malik continued shouting, catching the attention of only one person. “What's the danger?” a familiar face asked.

“Regina!”

“Reginald,” the Brit corrected. “But I prefer Reg. What is the danger here?”

“Once Malik saw a show where a kid went by a washing machine and HE DIED!” Blue screeched, bringing attention back to herself as someone threatened to call the police. Teddy glared at the person.

“Oh, well that is alarming then, isn't it? How did he die?” Reg asked.

“...Heart attack,” Malik mumbled, and Blue tilted her head to the side.

“And it was a child?” Reg asked, and Malik stared in silence for a moment.

“...Well, he was more like a whale...,” he admitted, “fattest kid I've ever seen...”

“Oh...,” Blue mumbled. “ALERT ALERT! IF YOU STAY HERE YOU WILL BECOME FATTIES!”

This apparently got the attention of a couple more people. A couple of these aforementioned fatties. “Are you calling me fat?” one particularly fat woman in a wife beater asked.

“Well that's what you are,” Blue insisted with a grin. “Attention everyone! If you don't want to become like this woman, please leave the laundromat!” The woman looked offended, like she just might punch Blue if the girl got down from where she was on the dryer. Malik finally looked alarmed by the woman who had a good hundred pounds on his 165, and he really didn't want to get in a fight with the woman, even on Blue's behalf. He looked around for some sort of solution, then realized British accents could fix this!

He stared down at Reg, trying to tell him to intervene, then remembered that he seemed slightly dim-witted. Teddy, though! He could depend on Teddy! He looked to Teddy, who had sneaked around behind the woman and was staring, deep in thought, at a fat roll on her back. Maybe Teddy was not going to help. Kip, then? No, he was staring at a turtle as if it had done something absolutely horrible. Or maybe having a conversation with it where the turtle offended him. That left Malik! Hero of the day! He began to get down from the dryer, but the woman let out a primal sounding growl and Malik froze.

“I don't think being fat is necessarily a bad thing,” Reg shared plainly. “I was astounded by the number of overweight people in the United States, but once I adjusted I found fat to be very interesting.”

“Do you wanna get dead?” the woman asked, and Reg nearly yelped.

“No ma'am!” he said. Malik looked around the room for some other option.

“Emancipate those sorta questionable races people!” a familiar voice shouted. Though why this one was here was a question. “X will save you all!” Gerda's extreme roommate shouted, doing a flying tackle onto the large woman. It was hardly a fight, as Hakan was pinned down within moments, but it gave Blue and Malik time to get down from the dryers and begin fleeing. They went outside the laundromat, Reg included, and looked inside through a window.

“I think the Indian is going to die,” Reg interjected. They all stared inside, seeing that Hakan was underneath the woman but still fighting pretty ferociously. They all looked to Reg, since he was the oldest and therefore responsibility fell to him, but the Brit simply winced. “I cannot help him!”

“My lovely Steel Kilmeistah OR Asian Pablo could both save him from that woman,” Teddy said. “What kind of boyfriend ARE you? What if that was Hammy underneath her?”

Reg stared then replied, “Hrrrrrmmmmaaaaaaahhhhhhhh...We'd both be dead.” No one made a move to help him, but they all stared, supporting him with their minds. Thankfully another laundromat patron talked the woman off him, and Hakan rolled away and out the door.

“Haha! X conquers yet another evildoer!” Hakan shouted.

“So...Why are you here?” Teddy asked.

“X put a tracer in the girl in case she found troubles!” Hakan shouted.

“That makes perfect sense,” Teddy mumbled.

“Yeah, X agrees,” Hakan stated.

Reg stared inside, seemingly debating whether he should go back in, as the rest turned their attention to the turtle. “OH NO! SHELLY!” Blue shouted, snatching the turtle away from Kip. “What did you do to her?” she asked the boy, who just shook his head at her.

“So I don't really feel like going back to the dorms just yet,” Teddy stated. “Can you...,” he looked Hakan over as he tossed an unknown can in the air, failed to catch it, watched it land, and yelped as he hopped away from it and it sprayed a questionable substance. “Reg, right?” he turned to the Brit, who nodded in reply. “Would you like to take a turtle back to our dorms? Unless you can find a vet...”

“I don't know where one is,” Reg replied, “can't have animals in our apartment...But I don't know who I would take it to in your dorm.”

“Hakan—.”

“X!!!” Hakan corrected in anger.

“Sorry,” Teddy muttered. “X. I have a very important mission for you to take care of.” Hakan's attention was immediately focused in on Teddy's words, “Guide this man to our dorms. He will have a turtle. Please lead him to Blue's room, inside should be a British boy who wears glasses, and this man should give that turtle to him and ask him to repair it. Please make sure this gets done.” Hakan nodded and turned to Reg intently.

“X WILL TAKE YOU SAFELY TO THE DESTINATION!” he shouted, as Reg took the the turtle from Blue.

“I'll only do this if I get to visit Hamilton,” he bargained, though Hakan certainly wasn't listening as he began tugging him forward. “Guys! I left clothes in there!” he shouted back to them as Hakan hurried him along.

“Where? Are they finished?” Teddy asked.

“Yeah! They were just finishing! You'll recognize them by the British flag! ...It needed washed!” Teddy frowned.

“What were you doing with it?” Teddy shouted, but Reg didn't seem to be able to hear him anymore. Though thFor thed rest of the triiat was all very suspicious, Blue knew, since they were only about fifteen feet away. Blue figured Reg went suddenly death. Wait, “death”? Was that right? No wait, it was “deaf.” Right. Reg suddenly went deaf. Teddy glanced at Blue and Malik, then at the still angry patrons inside the laundromat and said, “Why don't you two wait here?”

Blue glared at him, “Why?”

“You know, it's dangerous. My being gay makes me immune to it, you see,” Teddy said, and Blue nodded.

“Oh,” she said. “That makes sense. Hurry back!”

“So I should wait too?” Kip asked. “Maybe I should go to the dorms with them actually...”

“Do you want to?” Teddy asked, and Kip shook his head.

“I want to go to the comic store,” he explained, “but I could come inside and help you look—.”

“NO!” Blue shouted. “You can't go in there unless you're gay! Or you'll become a fatty! We barely made it out in time!” Malik nodded to support her claims, and Kip just blinked.

“I'll risk it...,” he mumbled as and Teddy walked inside the laundromat. Teddy veered off to the side and Kip stood back nervously as he addressed the large woman, then decided to go look for Reg's laundry on his own.

“Sorry about her,” he said, and the woman looked like she might be just as mad at Teddy, “don't worry that you're bigger than some people. Just try your best and be comfortable with who you are.”

“You wanna get dead?” the woman asked.

“Ooo look, candy!” Teddy replied, pulling candy from a pocket and tossing it on the floor.

“What was that?” the woman asked unflinchingly.

“SPACE INVADER! You got the stuff?” Teddy asked, as Kip returned to his side.

“Yeah,” he muttered, off put by the woman and so much bad attention.

“Run for it!” Teddy declared, pushing Kip toward the door. He shouted one more thing back to the woman as he left, “If you want to be thin, take up smoking! You'll die sooner but at least you'll be thin! Jerk!”

“WHOA!” Blue declared as Kip emerged. “You've gained like thirty pounds! Good thing you got out of there quick!” Kip glanced down, confused, and was left to assume the basket of clothes he was carrying somehow looked like extra weight to Blue.

“So where should we go now?” Malik asked. Teddy shrugged and they both looked to Blue to see if she had any ideas.

“Too much pressure!” Blue shouted, twitching and covering her face.

“Hey,” Kip said, “comic book store?”

“I've never been to one of those!” Blue cheered.

“I know where one is!” Malik declared loudly. “I'll lead!” Blue trotted along beside Malik as he began heading in the direction of the comic store, as Kip and Teddy lagged behind.

“What is wrong with him?” Kip asked softly, and Teddy smiled.

The blond pointed at Blue with a grin, “Sometimes people act different around certain people. Maybe he's been crazy all along and we just didn't know.”

“She has the opposite effect on you,” Kip stated bluntly.

“I resent that,” Teddy replied.

“So you don't think her crazy dulls down yours?” Kip mumbled.

“No, I do. I just don't like it,” Teddy stated. “ I used to be the weirdest! Now I have to make sure she doesn't get herself killed! It's exhausting!”

“Well I like you better this way,” Kip said.

“Come on hetero,” Teddy replied, “no flirting! What about your girlfriend? Radish?”

“That's not her name!” Kip shouted as Teddy ran away from him with a grin.

“FOUND IT!” Blue shouted, pointing at a store.

“Sweet!” Malik declared. “I saw it first,” he insisted as he walked next to Blue, who glared at him.

“Prove it,” she countered, as Teddy and Kip walked by into the store and Malik pondered ways to prove that he'd seen the building first.

“Well,” he said, “I saw it first because I have good eyesight. I saw it from way back there at the laundromat!”

“We can't even see the laundromat anymore!” Blue shouted.

“Yeah well that's how good my eyesight is!” Malik shouted back.

“WELL I SAW IT BACK IN THE DORMS!” Blue yelled.

“Well I saw it before you were born!” Malik retorted ever so cleverly.

“Well I saw it before you were born!” Blue shouted back.

“Wait which one of us is older again? I could have sworn I was older,” Malik asked, and Blue blinked.

“I don't know,” she mumbled. “Ohhh comic store! I've never been to one of those.” With that she walked inside the store and began looking around, but Teddy and Kip both appeared to have finished up. Blue glared at them and went to look around, but Teddy insisted that they leave like a stupid jerk. Blue ended up crying on the way home, because she really wanted to see that comic store. Teddy left them to return Reg's clothing to him, and Kip turned his attention immediately to a comic he bought. This left Malik and Blue to go check on Shelly, because if anything happened to her Blue was just going to cry even more because that would be even world than not getting to explore the comic store.

“SHELLY!” she shouted as she ran into her room, which was surprisingly empty. Her turtle was situated in a little aquarium, and Scamps ran up to her with a note on his back. She picked it up and read it aloud because that was just what she was supposed to do, “Dear roommate, I have left the room to buy something I require to do something. Your turtle is fine. You may find I made some upgrades to it. Also I hear you call it Shelly, but it is male. I don't think that will make a difference to you. I would say you owe me one, but please transfer that to Theodore. He owes me two. I'll return when I return.”

“Wow,” Malik mumbled, as he looked at the turtle. “How did he do that? It's got a little design on the shell.”

“UNI!” Blue declared excitedly. “Alec is awesome now!” She looked at the turtle and waved, “Hi little Shelly. Are you gender confused? Don't worry. I'll keep calling you female. I don't think turtles can get gender reassignment surgery though. I'm sorry. You'll have to keep living in that male turtle body...” Malik smiled at Blue's words as she turned around and grinned at him. “I feel better! Today has just been a roller coaster of emotions though...But Shelly is OK!” For some reason Malik's cheeks looked redder for a moment, but Blue didn't care so she hugged him. Because roller coasters of emotions require hugs to make them better. Malik just sort of stood there for a moment, but then he hugged her back in this weird way. It made Blue feel like she was safe or something. Which was really weird because normally she only felt that way when she was sitting in her special corner at home holding that sword her sister bought her from Foreignville and waving it around threateningly. So she just sort of kept hugging him, because it made her happy. After a while, though, she figured Shelly felt uncomfortable having to see her be so icky, so she pulled away from Malik and turned to look at Shelly.

“Shelly, can you swim?” she asked, poking at the turtle and pondering where she could get water from. She didn't notice Malik slip out of the room or the speed he left at, but she still had a lingering feeling of happiness. Clearly she needed more days with roller coasters of emotions. Feeling all those things just left people with only one feeling in the end, which was clearly happiness. So, on to more important issues...Could turtles swim? “I know! The toilet has water!”

Chapter Seven: Heritage Day

Blue didn't know what to do. It was her first time seeing the principal but she didn't know what he was saying because she was thoroughly distracted. It was hard for her to know why she was distracted, because she was too distracted to know. When he'd walked to the front of the room and introduced himself, her jaw had dropped and she wasn't able to do anything other than stare.

“Richard T. Moneybags,” the principal introduced. “That's Mr. Moneybags to you. I know I don't make many appearances and I've heard legends that I don't exist, however, I am here today to formally announce Heritage Day, to take place next Monday. Today is Friday for dimwitted people. I'm not getting into the details, because I assume you all know what that entails. Teachers should participate too. I'm done.”

Blue, however, hadn't finished staring at what she considered to be the strangest most magnificent mustache she'd ever seen. “I'll call him Mr. Mustache!” she declared to no one in particular. His mustache was as glorious as a mustache can be; a handlebar mustache fitting only of silent movie villains that twirled upward. He wore a pinstriped suit, a bow tie, and a sleazy hat. Blue thought he was just adorable. Mr. Mustache got off the stage of the auditorium as much of the student body filed out and stood off to the side out of the way. Blue just kept staring at him and felt drawn to approach his mustache. Naturally Teddy followed her, because he was pretty sure Blue had become his responsibility at some point in time.

“Hey Uncle Moneybags,” Teddy waved, as Blue continued walking up to him.

“...Is it real?” she asked, staring at the fantastic mustache with wide eyes.

“Oh yes, it's completely natural,” Mr. Mustache replied.

“Wowwwww,” Blue said, “I've never seen anything so...Wowwww!”

“Yes,” Mr. Mustache stated, “it's absolutely monumentally awesome. And not the way you kids toss around that word, no. It is full of awe.”

“Anyway, this is Blue,” Teddy said, “she's my new BFF. Tell auntie Frostine hey. We should go to class.” Mr. Mustache nodded as Teddy began to pull Blue away from him, though all she did was stare at him with wide eyes and walk backward. Teddy pulled her all the way to Miss Allberry's room before she finally stopped staring, and Teddy sat her down next to him as she dreamed of one day growing such a fantastic mustache for herself. Blue was so lost wondering whether if she took steroids to grow a mustache whether or not that would affect her in any other ways that were less awesome that she didn't notice the additions to the class.

Pablo, Hakan, and Alec all sat, looking generally confused, as Kendall cackled in the back of the room about something or another. “All right!” Miss Allberry cheered, “As most of you, except apparently Barbra, have noticed, we have extra people in the class today! You may be wondering...Why? But for this I'll be taking you all on a...super fun field trip! Follow me!” she motioned her arm toward the door and ran out, clearly expecting the class to follow her with the same exuberance. Teddy happily obliged, and since Blue was too focused on the mustache plan to think of anything else she imitated him. Malik followed up pretty closely, Hakan sprinted past all of them before realizing Miss Allberry needed to be the leader. Pablo chased after Teddy with a cry of his eternal love, and the rest came at their own paces. Rashida walked with Kip, speculating over where they were going, and Alec seemed entirely perplexed by Austin's freckles and tallness. Gerda was the calmest of them all, it seemed, until she spotted Kendall and freaked out. They arrive in a strange room Blue had never been to, but she noticed a world map on the ground. That could only mean one thing.

“Today, for since Heritage Day is Monday,” Miss Allberry explained, “we'll be doing something special today. Any guesses?”

“Ooooh!” Blue raised her hand, jumped up and down, and exclaimed, “Play World War Three!”

“Oh my God you're a genius, Barbra!” Miss Allberry cheered, as everyone else sort of glanced to each other in confusion. “So everyone gets to stand on whatever country I assign them and be that country!” Miss Allberry paused as if expecting everyone to be crazy excited, but just continued when they weren't, “So I'll start with the obvious..Ginger! Take Ireland.” Blue had started calling Ginger a nickname instead of her name Ginger, which was Grumpers because Ginger was grumpy all the time, so it fit. “Flicka,” Blue eventually learned “Flicka” was Swedish for “girl,” which she knew Gerda was, so that made sense, “Sweden...Or if you want, all of Scandinavia.” Gerda nodded and went to stand on her home country, as Miss Allberry pushed Austin onto Ireland. “Ummm...Barbra! You get Israel!” Blue blinked.

“I was thinking I could have the United States,” she said, but Miss Allberry wasn't having it.

“Jasmine gets the rest of that little area,” Miss Allberry said, motioning the Middle East. Malik walked over slowly.

“You know, I don't think I'm from here,” he said.

“Oh really?” Miss Allberry replied skeptically. “Then where are you from?”

“Uh...,” Malik mumbled, looking around the map under his feet, “Antarctica...?”

Miss Allberry rolled her eyes and continued on, “Mindfreak Asiamexican,” she instructed, “you get...Asia...What kind of Asian are you again?” Pablo shrugged but walked over to Asia obediently. Miss Allberry turned to the rest of the group then, “British boy gets England...Ummm who's left? Jack...Do you want Canada or the rest of Europe?”

Teddy seemed to think it over, “Well I'm mostly German, and Canada sounds cold.”

“Europe it is!” Miss Allberry cheered. “Condoleezza gets Africa.” Rashida was already standing on Africa, so Miss Allberry moved on, “That leaves Big Chief Extreme, Creeper, and the Alien...I'll give Creeper South America...Or Russia?”

“I want Russia...,” Kendall mumbled.

“Go!” Miss Allberry ordered. “OK, Alien and Big Chief Extreme...”

“NATIVE AMERICAN!” Hakan declared, pointing at himself.

“Oh, right,” Miss Allberry replied. “You get South America.”

Hakan said, glaring, “It means North America.”

“GOD fine Big Chief Extreme, the United States and Canada and Mexico then,” Miss Allberry growled. “So Alien gets...Alien gets Antarctica, because that's where aliens land.” Kip rolled his eyes and walked over to the continent at the bottom of the world, grumbling all the way. “Oh no!” Miss Allberry shouted, “we don't have anyone for surfer's country!” Teddy echoed “Australia” for the mostly confused rest of the group. “Or South America! No one panic, I'll go find two more people! I'll be back! Barbra, you've clearly played World War Three before, please explain the rules.”

Blue moved to the front of the room and flashed into a moment where she was wearing an army uniform and she felt like Napoleon...If only. “OK, so in World War Three all the countries have to fight it out to see who becomes the ultimate ruler of the universe! Since the the Space Invader is playing I expanded it for the whole universe.” Kip rolled his eyes at Blue as she kept talking, “So you have whatever resources your country has.”

“Can we make alliances?” Teddy asked. Blue shrugged.

“We'll have to ask Crazypants,” she replied. “It depends on the version. OK, so pretty much that's it. We'll need Missus Crazypants in here to supervise and tell us what's legal, and there's more stuff she'll have to tell you.” Blue nodded to herself and walked back to the relatively small area she'd been assigned to, “Oh, and you can't go outside your area or the other person's area you go into reserves the right to attack you and take some of your resources.”

“Is there some way to measure what we're doing?”

“Normally we get paint cans or something,” Blue mumbled in reply and shrugged. “I'm sure Crazypants has something planned.”

Alec blinked and spoke then, “She asked me to make something for her the other day. I'm guessing she'll be using a type of gel that becomes paint that you can remove easily from clothing. I had to make plenty or batches for her, she told me it was for...What did she say? The future of life as we know it? The future was going to be all ruined if I didn't.”

“I guess I could see that,” Teddy replied.

Miss Allberry returned then with two girls trailing behind her, “OK everyone! I'd like you to meet Cheesnip McGee,” she motioned an orange looking girl with too much make-up on and overly puffed hair, “and Hispanesbian...McGee.” This was a Hispanic, presumably lesbian, who wore a black hat and a vest, though she also wore a floral skirt. Chessenip wore a short flowery dress. “They're part of the, uh...Well I think Hispanesbian is part of the acting section.”

Malik and Teddy nodded, “She's in our improv class.”

“Really?” Blue asked. Her best boyfriends nodded.

“And Cheesenip is in the music department. Singing or something,” Miss Allberry said. “They're perfect! Hispanesbian gets surfer's country and Cheesenip gets South America. Wait...Other way around!” Miss Allberry pushed her new recruits over to the areas she wanted them to go to with a grin, as she ran over to a bag she had in the room.

“All right! I'm going to be handing out bottles of what I like to call Chemical X,” Miss Allberry stated, “so then I'll be giving them to people based on how much power I think your country or area has. I'll start with the United States! Big Chief Extreme, you get nine. And there are thirteen of you. You have to take over the whole world to win the game.” She moved down the line to get to the next person, “OK, Hispanesbian, you get five. Because does South America really exist? This real American doubts that. Flicka, you get five. Because Scandinavia doesn't fight in wars. Shut up. Jack, you get nine. Because I'm pretty sure Europe is at least as well off as the US right now...Probably better. British Boy gets four, and Ginger gets one. Condoleezza...First I'm going to change your name. If you're not going to make a little effort to gain some weight and look a little more like Condoleezza, then you're going to have to be called Skinny Condoleezza. Skinny Condoleezza gets six. Because Africa, I think, mostly doesn't have much going on. You've got lots of wild animals, but those don't really help you in world war. Barbra, you get one. Jasmine gets...Uh, seven. Because you seem to have a lot of power in this here region for some reason. Creeper, you get six. Because is Russia still going on? I'm not sure. Mindfreak Asiamexican, you get ten. Everyone knows Asia is secretly in a plot of working together where China gets all rich and Japan develops all these robots to take over the world and they're planning on working together to conquer the world. Also I bet Korea helps. And all the third world Asian countries. And I think India is in Asia, and so they're also involved in this plot...But I'm giving India to Jasmine, because he looks more like them than Mindfreak Asiamexican. Cheesenip, you get five. Because all your country is good for is surfing and kangaroos. Ok! Last and certainly least, the Alien gets...One, because I'm nice. Antarctica doesn't have anything anyway.”

“Thanks so much,” Kip replied with feigned sincerity.

“All right! So each bottle can take over one other country. You can make alliances, but if you're allied with someone else you have to share the prize. I'm going to say all of you need to make at least one. You can break them, but that kind of makes you a jerk. Though if you make them and break them, you still get to keep all the places you've conquered with them. And if you choose to conquer someone you get everything they've conquered. I'll give you five minutes to plan and make alliances, then you'll start the fight!” Miss Allberry cheered. “If it's not entertaining enough I'm counting it as an F for a test grade,” she added as an afterthought.

“I'm not in this class,” Alec and Pablo chorused together.

“Neither am I,” Hispanesbian said. “Or those two,” she motioned Kendall and Cheesnip, who both nodded.

“I will tell your teachers!” Miss Allberry shouted. “Now get to work, the clock is ticking!”

Miss Allberry then began walking around the world in a circle, monitoring the game. Hakan was waving over to Gerda and jumping up and down, trying to get his roommate's attention.

“GERDA! GERDA!” he whisper shouted. She glared at him for a moment, but shot him a look of agreement. Only a couple people caught how serious she looked or the devious look on her face. Alec sized up the group, rolling his eyes at Austin next to him, whining that she just wanted to leave the school but her parents wouldn't let her. Blue waved at Teddy with a grin, jumping up and down much like Hakan.

“Teddy let's be allianced!” she said, and Teddy nodded.

“Allianced!” he declared. The two air high-fived as Pablo shot Teddy puppy eyes.

“Ally with me, my love,” he said, and Teddy blinked at him.

“I'm already allied with Blue,” he said.

“Malik,” Blue stated, staring down her friend, “we are enemies. I will defeat you!” With that she pushed her hand against his face, successfully knocking him over. In her imagination she didn't need an ally because Uni could beat up all the bad guys and then Blue would be the ultimate world dictator with no problems and then there would be turtles and candy and cake for everyone and Blue would create her dream of Blueland where everything was awesome and non-awesome things weren't allowed in! Aw yeah. Pablo glared at Teddy and continued with a face only an asexual person could resist. Teddy wibbled in place and turned away from him after sooo much effort.

“Question,” Alec stated. “Do we have to declare our alliances?” Miss Allberry shrugged and shook her head, “Second question. If we betray an ally, do we have to use one of our...Well technically it's called—,”

Miss Allberry did not want to know what the substance was, so she interrupted. Because magicians should never share their tricks. “No declarations necessary, but in the end it'll matter. To betray an ally you do have to hit them, and you absorb whatever countries the ones you take over have taken over. Once you get hit sit down so everybody knows. If you miss in your aim tough shit because there are no refills.” Alec nodded and got on his strategy face, which Blue noticed reflected on Teddy. She looked at Malik and smiled.

“I'mma hit you,” she declared. “Then it's up to Teddy to take home the crabs....Bacon...?” Blue tapped her chin thoughtfully and then looked at Malik. “Which does bacon come from? Crabs?” Malik raised his eyebrows at Blue and shrugged, causing Blue to declare he was lying and he did know and now she was going to hit him in the eye for being stupid.

Suddenly Miss Allberry declared, “All right! Begin in five...four....three...twoonego!” She jumped up and down, and within about thirty seconds a number of people sat down. The first to sit was Austin, who Rashida had hit. Unfortunately for Rashida, who also took the time to hit Cheesenip, a ball of strange goo hit her back. It was from an innocent looking Teddy, who shrugged and tried to look innocent whilst being all innocent and innocently making innocent faces. Kendall took the time to hit Kip, who rolled his eyes and mumbled something about being useless anyway. Gerda hit Kendall with a well placed throw that hit exactly where Kendall's heart was. Blue, despite her promises, accidentally dropped her one shot on her own head, and Miss Allberry ruled “self-destruct.” Malik was busy blinking in confusion when Hispanesbian hit him and he sank to the floor slowly.

“How did you do that?” he asked Blue, who insisted the shots were very slippery. Hakan, after two missed throws, nailed Hispanesbian, who shrugged and sat down. Alec hit Hakan with ease, leaving only four left. Alec had Hakan and Hispanesbian and Malik, Teddy had Rashida and Austin and Cheesenip, Gerda had Kendall and Kip, and Pablo was looking around nervously. Blue had herself, if that counted for anything. Within two seconds Pablo had three shots lobbed in his direction. He managed to dodge them all, which served to annoy Teddy, Alec and Gerda. The three looked at each other, as Teddy held up a time out sign.

“What?” Miss Allberry said, looking annoyed.

“Can we move from our territories?” he asked, and Miss Allberry shrugged.

“Onto allied territories or ones you've taken over,” she stated, and Teddy went straight back to the game. Teddy walked closer to Pablo with a sinister look, as Gerda masterfully hopped from Scandinavia to Russia. Alec took to the Middle East, arriving there from well placed steps. Pablo glared at the three closing in on him and tried to find a way out of his predicament. Teddy, Gerda, and Alec all looked at each other and smiled sinisterly.

“No!” Pablo shouted. “I love yooooou!!” he pleaded to Teddy with those big possibly black eyes of his. Teddy sighed as he tossed a shot into Pablo's leg, clearly feeling bad for doing it. This left Gerda, Alec, and Teddy to stare each other down. No one made a move. Teddy glanced down to his shots, since he had six shots left and the other two had considerably less. Alec had one and Gerda had three. Though Teddy knew he had the advantage, he was facing down the two people he, for some reason, thought were the toughest opponents. Alec was clearly biding his time, since he only had one left, but Teddy worried he and Gerda had secretly allied with each other. To combat this he pulled out two shots and held them threateningly toward the two. To both he and Alec's apparent surprise, Gerda hit Alec next.

“You...Double crosser,” he said with a grumble as he sat down. Gerda gave a completely innocent smile as Blue wowed at her smartness.

Teddy stared Gerda down then; blue eyes met blue, and Teddy tossed his hands in the air, “Surrender! Can I surrender?” Miss Allberry glared at him as he and Gerda looked for the answer.

“Fine, whatever. Flicka somehow wins,” she stated. “And the prize I promised is...A kitten!” Gerda's eyes widened as Miss Allberry pulled a small fluffy cat out of a bag and walked it over to the Swede. She took the small cat and blinked as if unsure what she was supposed to do with it.

“All right, now we have to get back to class...Everyone else get back to your own classes too,” Miss Allberry sighed, and soon everyone was in their proper place. School was irritatingly normal after that, and after it ended Blue, Malik, and Teddy all went to hang out in the common room.

For a while Blue tried to explain just how she'd managed to drop her only shot on her head, but eventually Heritage Day came up. “Well I'm obviously Jewish.”

“I've been wondering...You know that's a religion too, right?” Teddy asked, and Blue stared at him, dumbstruck, until Teddy decided to change the subject. Blue didn't seem to understand religion existed, Teddy had noticed. “Well I'm pretty much German, like I said, with maybe a little...I think Swedish. And French.”

“Wowww,” Blue said, “you're a true American, huh? My grandparents came from Israel. What about yours?”

“They came here a long time ago,” he replied. “What I mean is...My grandparents were both born in America. Also Israel did not exist when your grandparents would have been born.”

“So Malik...I've been wondering...,” Blue mumbled as Malik tilted his head to listen to her, “what are you?”

“I think I'm a Pharaoh,” Malik replied.

“Wow! Where's your beard?” Blue asked, poking at Malik's chin.

“I was thinking I should grow one out,” Malik replied with a smile, “but then I decided I'm actually related to Cleopatra, and she didn't have a beard.”

“Oh, yeah,” Blue agreed, “then you shouldn't grow one.”

“Yeah, exactly!” Malik agreed.

“Well,” Teddy stated, “that was riveting, but...I have to go. Date night!” Teddy stood with a grin, waving away his besties. A silence fell over Malik and Blue after he left, which might have had something to do with the fact that he'd been sitting across both of them and they had to readjust to not being sat on. At least Blue did.

“Let's go to a movie!” Blue suggested. “Date Night. That's got Tina Fey and Steve Carrel! Yeah!” So it was that Blue and Malik went to the movie Date Night together. Blue thought it was weird how many times she had to tell Malik staring was rude, because he just kept looking at her, and she didn't like it. She was busy watching Tina Fey and Steve Carrel dance around a stripper pole, and she needed to pay very close attention or anything could happen! Maybe the good guys wouldn't win if Blue didn't pay attention! And that was a risk Blue just wasn't willing to take. That baddie was icky.

After the movie and for the rest of the weekend not much happened, so when Monday rolled around Blue was excited to see everybody's Heritage Day stuff. Unfortunately for basically everyone, Malik was very distracting. He was wearing a Pharaoh's outfit he found in props, but the outfit didn't have a top, so he was basically running around in a skirt.

“Oh my God!” Blue mumbled to Teddy as Malik ran by them to go talk to Kip about the alien costume he was wearing and how that wasn't really the point of Heritage Day. Blue turned to look at Teddy and stared with wide eyes, “Did you ever notice Malik's muscles?”

“Of course,” Teddy replied, “Malik is very attractive. Is this news to you?”

“...I just never noticed,” she mumbled, then got distracted when Malik came over to her and Teddy.

“So what's up with you two?” Malik asked, but Blue was too busy staring at his body. Was that a six pack? How did she not know about this?

“Hrrg?” Blue replied. She was counting on Teddy to say something comprehensible, but a glance in his direction would have told her he was staring down Malik's bare chest just as intently.

“My eyes are up here!” Malik shouted, and Teddy and Blue snapped out of their stupors for just a moment.

“Have I ever told you they changed the dress code and required you to stop wearing shirts?” Teddy asked. Blue nodded to enforce Teddy's claims, and Malik scowled at both of them.

“I already feel naked! But someone stole my shirt and they won't let me go back to my dorm! Stop objectifying me!”

“It's a compliment,” Teddy insisted.

“I don't care!” Malik shot back. “I don't want to be stared at like some piece of meat!” Malik did have a point; quite a few people were staring at him.

“OK, OK,” Teddy said, “I'll stop. But I make no promises for anyone else. I do already have a totally ripped boyfriend...”

“But he's scary,” Blue insisted, then mumbled something about being an assassin.

“So you guys are wearing...?” Malik mumbled.

“Lederhosen!” Teddy cheered, then looked to Blue.

Blue shrugged, “I found it in the props closet.” She wore a banker's suit. Teddy thought it was funny, but Malik just seemed confused. The three then decided to set out and look around at everyone else. Their first stop was Kip, who was dressed as an alien.

“So you admit it then, Space Invader?” Blue asked with a smirk.

“I'm not actually an alien,” Kip replied, “but I thought it would be funny. And I didn't want to ask my parents about my heritage...”

“Yeah, I get that,” Malik replied, “whenever I call my parents they always go on and on about how proud of me they are. It's exhausting.”

“...You're a dick.”

Malik seemed honestly confused that Kip responded the way he did, but they were distracted by Hammy swooping in. “What are you supposed to be?” Blue asked, tilting her head to the side in confusion.

“I'm an Amish!” Hammy declared. “Can't you tell by my beard?”

The group stared at Hammy's face for a while, “Ooooh. Now I see it.”

“It's black!” Hammy shouted. “How could you not have seen it?”

“...I don't know,” Blue mumbled. “I think you just can't grow beards...”

“Dude!” Hammy shouted. “It's glued on!”

“...Well you should have gotten better glue,” Blue insisted. Hammy rolled his eyes and stalked away in annoyance. Suddenly Hakan ran by, making that fun Indian yelling noise and also shirtless. He appeared to be chasing a white colonist who was crying that he was sorry for taking his land and he'd give it back if Hakan didn't kill him. Hakan didn't care and started throwing toy tomahawks at the boy, many of which hit random bystanders. “Get him X!” Blue cheered, but soon they were far enough away that they couldn't be heard anymore. They glimpsed Austin sitting in normal clothes looking like she wanted to kill someone on their way to Gerda.

Gerda wore a white dress under a red apron-like dress, and had her hair braided. She also wore a hat to match the red dress and wooden shoes. “Wowww!” Blue cheered. “You're sooo Swedish.” Gerda, though, had gotten caught up in staring at Malik's bare upper half.

“Why do you always wear shirts?” she asked, and Malik glared at her.

“Because!” he shouted, covering himself with his arms. “Stop objectifying me!” Gerda shrugged and walked off, hopefully to stop Hakan's path of destruction. They passed by Alec, sitting in what looked like a uniform from the Revolutionary War, and ended up in front of a strangely dressed Asian with a Hispanic name.

“So...What kind of Asian is this supposed to be?” Malik asked.

Pablo shrugged, “All of them.” Not far from Pablo Rashida was walking around, and Blue gasped when she saw her.

“You're black!” she said. Rashida blinked.

“Yes,” Rashida agreed, “that is true...” Despite this, Rashida was wearing clothes that looked like they came from Japan, which didn't make sense to anyone.

“You're not Japanese,” Teddy countered, and Rashida insisted she was at least one sixty-fourth. They proceeded to argue about how Rashida was black and not Japanese until Malik finally cut in. All he had to do was say one word and both Rashida and Teddy turned to stare at his body.

“Stop arguing, it's pointless,” Malik stated. Neither was listening, because Rashida was staring at Malik's body and Teddy was furiously trying not to stare. “That's it!” Malik declared, clambering up to the front of the room to a microphone.

“Attention everyone!” he said, tapping the microphone and realizing he didn't turn it on. He tried again after flipping the switch to the “on” position, “Attention!” Most of the people randomly walking around the room turned to look at him as Malik scowled at them. “I am tired of being objectified by every girl and gay guy I see! For too long—!”

“What about bisexual guys?” Pablo asked.

“Are you bisexual Pablo?” Malik asked.

“Roger that,” Pablo replied with a salute. “Both the boobies and the peepee sound fine to me me.”

“...Anyway! I'm tired of being objectified by every girl and gay and bi guy I see! For too long I—!”

“Well that's not fair! To lump all girls together! Ever heard of a lesbian?” someone shouted.

Malik glared at the person, though he couldn't see her, rolled his eyes, and started over, “I am tired of being objectified by every straight girl and bi and gay guy I see! For too long I have—!”

“What about bisexual girls?” the same voice asked.

“Can we just move on?” Malik replied.

“No, they're objectifying you too, you need to include them,” the person insisted.

“Who is this...?” Malik asked, though he was pretty sure already.

Blue jumped up and down and waved, “Hi Malik. You don't seem like you're being fair to bi girls. Good luck up there! I haven't been completely listening...Because you're not wearing a shirt.”

Malik seemed to blush for a moment, until he stomped his foot. “I am tired of being objectified by every straight and bi girl and every gay and bi guy I see! For too long I have sat back and let this travesty occur! Now I have to stand up for myself! Who's with me?”

“I don't really care,” came a voice that reminded Blue of Hispanesbian from earlier, “but most of the audience isn't listening.”

Malik made a whiny noise, finally shouting, “Look! Just give me my shirt back, please! I'll never bother you again!”

The crowd was silent. Malik stared at them with a blush on his face for a good five minutes before trudging away to hide in a bathroom. At the end of the day he found his shirt returned to him with a note that simply said, “It was worth it.”

As Malik, Teddy, and Blue sat in Malik's room that night, Malik stated, “I'm never taking off my shirt again.”

“Oh my God noooooo!” Blue screamed. She and Teddy looked at each other, smiled deviously, and convinced Malik to go buy them snacks. So it was that Blue and Teddy stole all of Malik's shirts. Of course they had to give them back, but they felt pretty cool for the twenty minutes where Malik didn't notice his entire closet of shirts missing. Someday Blue would get that shirt off Malik again, and he would like it! ...Was that awkward in some way? Blue didn't care, because all she knew was she liked it when Malik didn't wear a shirt, and she would see it again! Ha!

Chapter Eight: Horror is Horrible

It was movie night, which could only mean one thing for Blue: popcorn! Blue's favorite food of all time. If Blue could survive on popcorn and only popcorn, she would, so as she popped the popcorn she imagined running through a field of popcorn humming a song she made up when she was young called “Popcorn minus opc spells porn.” Teddy watched her curiously, asking her what she was humming.

She shrugged, “Just a song I made up. About popcorn. Let's go watch a movie! Who picks tonight?” The dorm they lived in had weekly movie nights, where each member got to choose a movie on a randomly assigned night. So far Blue hadn't gotten picked to choose, but she was really excited and all that for when she got to. She even knew what movie she wanted to watch, but it was a secret............

“Ummm,” Teddy replied, stealing some popcorn from Blue, “I think...Kip.” He stopped when he realized he'd accidentally used Kip's actual name, but shrugged it off and kept walking.

“Oh!” Blue gasped. “I bet it'll be a Disney movie,” she joked, “since the Space Invader is scared of lots of stuff. Right? Right.” She laughed at herself for a while until she finally decided she'd laughed enough, and looked down to see half her popcorn was gone. “TEDDY!” she shouted, but he was nowhere in sight...That jerk. Naturally Blue had to go back and refill her popcorn bowl, and by the time she got to the common room almost all the seats were full. Teddy was next to Malik, who was next to Kip who was next to Rashida, and on the end was Grumpers. Blue was pretty sure Teddy had saved her a space, but it hardly looked like she would fit. He grinned at her and waved her over, and she started to sit between him and the side of the couch.

“What are you doing?” Teddy asked, pushing Blue between he and Malik. Which was weird, because Malik and Teddy were best pals; they shared the sacred bond of straight boy gay boy best friendship. Also Blue was led to believe they'd known each other since they were in diapers. Also Teddy seemed to enjoy a good snuggle, with either Blue or Malik, whoever was more willing at the time, and he usually enjoyed sitting between them. Something was suspicious, and she could only assume it was some sort of scary trick of scariness, but she shoved her way in between the two anyway. She looked around the room to see where everyone else was sitting; Alec was absent as usual, a couple random people Blue sorta knew sat on the floor, Kendall was surely around, and Gerda and Hakan were sharing a chair. Blue was starting to believe the two of them had something going on (Teddy referred to it as “Yes they're dating”) so she started checking in on them at random intervals in case they were doing something inappropriate since they were roommates and she figured they needed chaperones. Teddy was in charge of making sure they didn't sneak in there to do inappropriate things during the school day.

After she was finished giving the pair a look to tell them not to do anything cause she was watching them, she asked Teddy what movie they were watching. The blond shrugged, so Blue turned her attention to the TV. Afterward her mouth hung open, and she glared at Kip. Teddy poked Blue and whispered Gerda had actually picked the movie, so Blue moved to glaring at Gerda with some ferocity. The screen said the words “Dawn of the Dead” on it, and if Blue was any judge of movies, it was a horror movie. A zombie horror movie. Gerda hit play on the remote, which surprised Blue because she figured someone from Sweden, which was not the US, wouldn't know how to use a remote. Since Sweden didn't have such technologies. Blue was pretty sure.

As soon as it started, Blue grabbed for whatever she could reach and squeezed it as tight as she could. She liked to call it “horror movie death grip” which was kind of like that thing from Star Wars...Or Star Trek? It was Vulcan something something...So she grabbed Teddy's arm and Malik's knee. Teddy and Malik seemed to be communicating in some way behind her head about something, but Blue didn't care. There were zombies on the screen and she had to watch so they didn't get out of the TV box. Teddy tried to say something to her, something like “you're making me bleed” but Blue was too focused on the movie for words to mean anything. Eventually Malik started trying to pry her hand off his knee, but she refused to budge, so Malik set his hand on top of hers, which relaxed it slightly, if that was his goal. It didn't distract her from the zombies, though, but it did help Malik to be less tense. Apparently she was “hurting” him. Whatever. Blue remained silent for most of the movie and was so completely focused she didn't notice the other people around her to know whether they were freaked out or not. If she had she might have heard Hakan shrieking at anything that was scary or even almost scary. The movie finished in a completely unsatisfying way, so Blue continued clinging to her boyfriends until they joined forces and removed her. Most of the room cleared out and headed to their rooms, and Blue turned around and screamed at the top of her lungs.

“I told you he smells fear,” Alec insisted from behind Blue, petting the rat in his arms.

“What!? Is it a zombie? X will rescue you from the zombies!” Hakan shrieked, flying through the air into Alec. Unfortunately for him, Alec reacted in a way similar to Gerda when attacked, and Hakan was on the floor in moments. Alec rolled his eyes and told Blue he would be in their room if she was looking for him.

“X!” Blue gasped, leaning down to him.

“Why does this always happen to X?” Hakan mumbled to himself as Blue helped him to his feet then twitched and looked behind her for zombies. Just in case. Teddy and Malik smiled at the pair as they stood back to back and glanced around nervously.

“Let's go to Malik's room for a while then, huh?” Teddy suggested, and Blue nodded as she grabbed Teddy's hand and looked around the room as much as she could. She warned Malik to watch for zombies as they walked and after what felt like an hour they finally arrived in Malik's room. It was 10:46 at night, and Blue didn't want to go to sleep at all.

“Can I stay here?” she asked, hiding in the corner of Malik's room. Malik looked frazzled by her question, so Teddy answered for him.

“No,” he stated, “I'd say you're pretty safe with Alec.”

“I feel safer here,” Blue protested, and Teddy smiled at her.

“Straight boys and girls don't get to have sleepovers with the straight boy's roommate in the room,” Teddy explained. Blue looked at Kip and glared.

“Can I stay with you then?” Blue asked Teddy, who sighed.

“I have to get up early tomorrow and pack,” he stated, “you don't want that, do you?”

“ARE YOU GOING SOMEWHERE!?” Blue shrieked.

“Visiting a school,” Teddy stated, “a college this time. I think my parents understand I don't want to transfer now.”

“You promised!” Blue shouted. “You promised to never leave me again!” Teddy blinked sadly as Blue freaked out, “How long!?”

“...How long will I be gone...?” Teddy asked, and Blue shook her head.

“How long have you hated me so much!?” she cried, and Teddy's eyes filled with tears.

“I don't hate you!” he insisted, “I love you!”

Blue fell silent for a moment then grinned, “Oh my God I love you too!” They hugged before Blue realized zombies would probably attack while they were hugging so she held tight and glared all around the room. She saw no zombies, but she was still nervous some could appear, so she shoved Teddy away and glanced around the room, in case they showed up while they were separating. Teddy, by some magic, fell to the ground and looked just a little angry.

“Go to bed,” Teddy ordered, then walked Blue back to her room. Blue waved goodbye to him for what she could only assume would be the final time since zombies could appear at any moment and he was alone in the hallway. Once Blue was inside the room she ran over to a corner where she felt safe. If only she had the sword she always did when she was home to wave around crazily...Instead she stared at Alec. And stared at him. In case something happened.

At some point she must have fallen asleep, because she woke up to a dark room and started flailing around. When she heard a groan all she could do was scream, and she sprinted out of the room at top speed. Unfortunately the hallway was dark, and she ran into someone with a start.

“OH MY GOD!” Blue shrieked, as something hit her in the face.

“Die zombie!” she could hear Hakan shout, as she fell over and accidentally tripped her friend.

“I'm not a zombie!” Blue protested as her eyes began to adjust to a small amount of light in the hallway.

“That's what they all say,” Hakan replied, holding a spray can up to Blue's face.

“No X! It's Blue! Remember the adventures together? The door to evil?” Blue said, and Hakan scowled at her.

“All right,” he mumbled. “X will trust you. For now...” Hakan helped Blue to her feet and she looked around the hall. She didn't see anyone else, so she was worried they were all zombies, and she figured Hakan would know.

“So are we the only ones left...?” Blue mumbled.

“It's hard to know,” Hakan replied, “X hasn't seen anyone since X left his room. X has assumed the worst.”

“Maybe we should hide out until morning?” Blue suggested. “Is Gerda OK?”

“X hopes so,” Hakan mumbled, making a sincerely worried face. “When X left she was sleeping.”

“That's good,” Blue mumbled. She and Hakan walked off then, Hakan handing her some weapons and telling her to cover his back. The two ended up back in Hakan and Gerda's room after a quick zombie check, where they hid out until they both passed out on Hakan's bed, both sitting up with their backs against the wall.

When Blue woke they were alone. (Well except Gerda, who was busy on a computer and not paying attention to them, so pretty much alone) She woke Hakan up, afraid they were in the apocalypse and there would be zombies outside. Both armed themselves with Hakan's weapons and began to plan how they would take out the zombies. Neither noticed Gerda laughing at them, but that was probably for the best. The first room they agreed to check out was Malik and Kip's room, so they prepared and gave each other pep talks to get pumped up.

“OK, there are going to be a lot of zombies,” Blue started out with, “some of them you used to call friends, brothers, children...But they aren't themselves any longer! They're cold blooded killers! We have to stop them before they do something real them would have regretted.”

“Yes,” Hakan agreed, “X knows. X can only hope you are prepared to face your best friends and put bullets into their brains to kill them. But X knows this is the only way their souls can be freed.”

“OK,” Blue agreed, “let's go.” Hakan nodded, and they did a quick team out before bursting into the hallway. Both attempted spy rolls like they figured they were supposed to, and they accidentally hit each others heads. After they organized, they stumbled over to Malik and Kip's door, knocking slowly and each holding small real looking guns up at the door. Blue was pretty sure they were real, so...This was for serious. The door didn't open, so Hakan and Blue tried to open...Except it was locked. They didn't plan for this! In a moment of intense decision making, they decided to begin banging on the door. Eventually the door opened to Kip, with droopy eyelids groaning nonsensical things, just like a zombie.

“Bluuuueeeewhatttttt...areyoudoinnnnnnng...herrre?” he said in zombie speak. Blue knew what she had to do, but she hesitated. In her moment of hesitation Kip made a move toward her and Hakan shot him in the head. Kip fell over into his bed, and Blue whispered her goodbyes to her now dead former friend.

“No hesitating!” Hakan shouted. “They're not your friends anymore, remember?” Blue nodded as they approached Malik on the bed. Blue's chest hurt at the thought of killing one of her besties, but it was necessary. If Kip was a zombie, surely Malik was as well. Her suspicions were unfortunately proven correct when Malik began slowly shuffling toward them and Blue knew she had to shoot his brains dead. It was the only way. For some reason, though, it was as if she could still see the real Malik deep down inside him as he looked at her with those green barely open eyes of his.

“Isssfiveeeeayam...,” Malik said in zombie speak, only further confirming Blue's fears. Next to her, Hakan held up his guns, but Blue dismissed him.

“No, I have to do this,” she said, holding her gun up to Malik's head.

“Whattttt?” Malik trailed off, as his eyes went cross-eyed and he stared at the gun in front of him. Blue could feel her arm shaking as she tried to get up the courage to pull the trigger. “Sooo...Confused...,” Malik trailed off, as Blue finally pulled the trigger. Malik fell back onto his bed much like Kip had, but he curled into a ball to die. Blue felt her eyes fill with tears as she watched her bestie formerly human then zombie as he died. He looked just like he was sleeping.

“He is at peace now,” Hakan insisted, but Blue just sniffled. “X thinks we shouldn't stay in one place for too long.”

“Will he get eaten if we leave him here?” Blue asked sadly, and Hakan nodded.

“Most likely,” he stated, and Blue sighed sadly.

“...Goodbye Malik,” she mumbled, “I'll lock the door so no other zombies come eat you, OK?” Blue kept her promise as she and Hakan left, locking the door behind her. The next room they headed to was Blue's, but Alec was surprisingly not a zombie. Neither were Shelly or Scamps. Zombie animals could be just awful, Hakan was pretty sure. Once they finished telling Alec their plans, they headed to Rashida and Austin's room, because they were almost positive Grumpers would have been the very first zombie. This room, much like the previous room, was locked. They repeated their actions through quick thinking, and were greeted by Rashida's zombie face. Blue didn't hesitate this time, and as she took out Rashida, Hakan jumped into the room and took care of Austin.

After the difficulty of the first room, the rest were pretty easy to take care of, so once they were finished they returned to Gerda and Hakan's room to celebrate conquering the evil zombie uprising. Gerda celebrated with them with a smile, and they hung out for a while, as Blue recounted tales of her late friends.

“And then, one time...,” Blue mumbled, “I said...I said 'three' and the Space Invader cried,” she said sadly, “it was such good times...And once, me an Malik an Teddy were playing pictionary, and Malik even really actually guessed what I drew...He said, 'My instincts say it's a mountain with a funky tree sticking out of it, but I'm going to say unicorn.' ...And he was rightttt!” Blue sobbed, covering her face sadly.

“X understands,” Hakan replied. “However, we must move on. It's hard to say how far the zombie infection goes. X believes we should check out the other dorm rooms.” Blue nodded and they waved goodbye to Gerda, telling her to be careful and that if she saw any zombies to turn invisible if she could do that. They were pretty sure cell phones had stopped working in the zombiepocalypse and though they didn't check, that made sense. They found many zombies in the other dorm sections and even some survivors like themselves, who they warned of the threat, while shooting all the other zombies they found.

While they were walking to the next dorm to find more zombies, a peculiar thing happened. An adult approached them, and at first they thought he'd come to help, but he was attempting to capture them. Apparently the zombies had evolved far enough that some of the most elite of them could pretend to be normal human beings. “You kids need to stop,” the elite zombie said, “I've gotten ten complaints from kids who were woken up and told of a zombie threat, or have friends who were shot. You need to come with me.”

“No!” Hakan shrieked. “X will not be fooled by your trickery!”

“Yeah!” Blue cheered, as both held their guns up to the teacher.

“Do not shoot,” the evil elite zombie ordered, but Hakan and Blue didn't listen and both opened fire. The evil zombie was dead on the floor within moments. Blue and Hakan continued their work to cleanse the school of the evil zombies, until the sun began to shine. After they were pretty sure they'd killed all the zombies they headed back to their dorms, but they were swarmed by more elite zombies on the way. The elite zombies dragged them to an office; inside they saw the man with the mustache from that assembly one time. He was saying some stuff about terrorizing the students and how that was bad, so she shot him. It seemed logical. After he died like the evil zombie he was, Hakan and Blue realized they were locked in. It wasn't until hours later, after Blue and Hakan realized they might be the only ones left in world who weren't zombies, that the door opened. Blue was shocked to see who walked in, and dropped the gun she'd prepared to shoot at the person with.

“I'm gone for half a day and this happens...?” Teddy mumbled. “You shot my uncle!” he declared, pointing to the dead principal.

“He was a zombie,” Blue insisted. “An evil elite intelligent zombie who was trying to trick us.”

Teddy blinked at Blue, and it struck her he seemed to be fighting a smile, “There's no such thing as zombies.”

“Sounds like something a zombie would say!” Hakan shouted, aiming his gun at Teddy. Teddy blinked and used his smartypants mind to think of something to say so he didn't end up shot.

“OK, I admit it,” Teddy mumbled. “There was a zombie uprising. But we've secured the area. That was the real reason I had to leave this morning, but don't worry. We've eliminated the problem. I would like to thank you both for your help in these darkest of times...”

Hakan and Blue glanced at each other, then both breathed sighs of relief. “We made it,” Blue sighed, and Hakan nodded. “Let's go home.”

“Whoa, wait,” Teddy said, “I want to tell you first that we restored all the zombies you disposed of, but if you wouldn't have taken care of them there's no telling what could have happened.” Blue smiled at this statement, and she and Hakan headed back to their dorm rooms to reunite with their loved ones. Teddy hung behind for a moment, shaking the shoulder of the principal. Mr. Mustache's head slowly rose up, and Teddy cringed at the sight.

“Sorry about them,” he mumbled, “they're kind of stupid sometimes. They watched a zombie movie...How do I make them not be in trouble?”

Mr. Moneybags sighed at his nephew, “You know what.” Teddy rolled his eyes and smiled, handing something over to the man before waving goodbye to him. Teddy trailed Blue and Hakan all the way back to Gerda's room, where they celebrated the world being saved. When Teddy asked were they'd gotten the guns they were using, Hakan told him they were from Gerda, so he went to talk to the blond while Hakan and Blue toasted to their eternal awesomeness.

“So the guns...?” Teddy mumbled, and Gerda shrugged.

“They put people to sleep,” she stated, “I didn't think it would be a problem...I wouldn't give either of them real guns...”

“No, that's smart,” Teddy replied, “good decision. Out of curiosity...Did you expect this when you chose Dawn of the Dead?”

“It was a possibility,” Gerda replied with a sinister smile, “I did not expect Blue to get involved, however. It made it more enjoyable for me.”

“...So did they shoot everybody, then? I just got a message that I needed to come here, because my bestie was shooting people,” Teddy mumbled bitterly, “I was pretty busy.”

“I thought you had a meeting today,” Gerda replied, “so I was confused by your presence. I do not know how many were shot. I assume as many people as they could find.”

“Great,” Teddy mumbled, “in any case, I have to go back. See you Gerda.” The Swede nodded as Teddy gathered his things up and walked past Hakan and Blue. “Bye,” he said to the pair, who waved exuberantly.

Later in the day Blue went to check on Malik, since she'd shot him earlier. For whatever reason, he seemed pretty upset that she'd tried to kill him and believed she'd killed him, and just kept moving on like she didn't care about him at all. Blue told him to stop being a drama queen and that she thought he was already long gone, but it didn't make him feel better, so she went back to her room and told Shelly about her adventures, whining about Malik being overly dramatic. Her favorite part, though, as she told Shelly, was the marks they'd made on the foreheads of all the former zombies. For a week everyone they shot walked around with little black dots on them, and Blue was thoroughly entertained, even if Malik was being a pissy pants.

Mass post!!!!!